IN THE DEPTHS OF LUNAR NEXXUS

Bubble thought from a Lunatic guy - 'WHAT IFs'

2009-03-18T17:15:00.005+08:00

Everything in life is a gamble...from a simple yes/no question to a complex argument...we wouldn't know what's going to happen if we don't engage in it...if we don't move out of our comfort zone, we will not have a view of how have we been doing all along inside that comfort zone...were we living good? Or only to realize we've been missing out a lot... it all boils down to choosing between a yes or a no, a very long series of branching yes and no...

In this complicated world we live in, there's one thing that i learned and has been my principle since then...to have no regrets in any decision made regardless of the outcome... surely there will be disappointments but these make me no less than a failure but more of a mature person, brave and responsible enough to face whatever there is in life.

"...never live a life full of what if’s..." =)

My tummy...

2009-02-03T12:49:00.004+08:00

man! my tummy is aching from time to time...sheezz... i don't know why, is it because i've been skipping lunch for the past weeks now? Is this ulcer? or it's just a call of nature? LOLZ

I researched about ulcer from the web, Peptic Ulcer. And boy, they really look scary, the pictures look gross. I didn't know ulcer can be such a big deal. As per article, anyone with ulcer can undergo multiple biopsies if it was caused by a tumor...and that is scary...

Good thing there are antacids and the like to treat it as early as possible but of course prevention still is the best remedy to ulcer and any other illnesses. Eat healthy foods regularly, live a good life and lastly have a happy perspective in life.

LA man upset over job kills family, including 2 TWINS

2009-01-29T16:20:00.005+08:00

Checkout this article...LA Man upset over job kills wife, 5 kids, himself ...

What a drastic way to deal with life's obstacles... i guess i will not end up doing that, my parents raised me well and i have my family and friends behind me.

I just hope wherever his kids are, they are at peace...its too early to take their dreams away from them... 2 pair of twins...just gone because of being terminated.

My prayers to Lupoe family. May God give all of you an eternity of peace. :(

On the Day of December 24th

2008-12-24T13:59:00.002+08:00

i just finished my Spaghetti and Herb Linguine and taking sip of my Moroccan Mint latte here at CBTL in Trinoma. I'm waiting for my friends, we'll all be going home to olongapo together.

My friend parked his car here in the mall earlier and went off to work. We'll be meeting all here and make our way to olongapo so to avoid the christmas traffic especially along edsa...

i can really feel christmas season, its cold, though am not ok with the drizzling rain from time to time, but you can feel it coz the aura of the environment is so much holiday hehehe...and im also glad that because of this season i can wear my scarves hehehe... i'm wearing one right now from topman, my christmas gift from my dear bestfriend louise...

i just hope we arrive at olongapo in time for the mass...hehehe..

anyway til then...

HAVE A WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

My 2008 Christmas Wishlist

2008-12-16T11:49:00.004+08:00

Wish list...wish list...wish list...its already christmas and i haven't done my christmas wish list...

this time around I'm gonna be reasonable and practical hehehe... so here goes:

1. a nice Portable Speaker for my ipod/laptop. - I can't have the earphones plug in my ears all the time when i'm in my room and my laptop built-in speakers doesn't suffice. An ordinary speaker would do, my gawd! i just want to have something to make noise in my room.

2. This Journal Will Actually Change Your Life 2009 - Even if i have my Starbucks 2009 planner already, i want this planner more. It has cool pages and scribbles as well that you could read... some "did you know"'s and food for the brain. I'm planning to buy and just give my starbuck's planner to my sister perhaps.

3. Light-weight Scarf - I'm so freaking in-love with scarfs right now... I love the scarfs from GAP and Giordano, i saw one of Topman's but i guess they just have it online or in other countries. I bought a very nice scarf from GAP as a gift to my best friend. Actually i was split-minded coz i really like the scarf too hahahaha!

4. Book about Personal Development - i'm really inclined right now in reading books under this genre. i just realize that i want to make the best out of my life as early as now and that by reading books as such i would highly have the idea on how to deal with incoming issues and problems. As much as i am enjoying my yuppie days, i also want to prep up for my future.

I think these are all the simple gifts, material gifts that i would want this christmas...

My Early December Tune

2008-12-11T14:11:00.002+08:00

I've been hooked up with Regine Velasquez's song "To Reach You". I know its a solitary love song but the rendition of the one I have is different, you can here a chorale in the background singing lines from "On The Wings Of Love" , another Regine hit song..it sounds soothing and relaxing, they made a version.... For the past weeks I've been busy with work, exhausted with love life and fed up with issues among my peers.

"...the anger in my heart has long been gone...", the line from the song that I really really love... i just can't seem to decipher where is it connecting in me but i know there is...

*****

I have done my Christmas gifts for my family except for my mom, haven't seen a watch that would fit her taste. I bought wrist watches for my dad and 2 sisters.

Nice Article

2008-11-28T11:19:00.001+08:00

For those IT freaks out there... this one's for you... enjoy! ^_^

15 THINGS EVERY WEB DEVELOPER SHOULD BE THANKFUL FOR

A Birthday Weekend!

2008-08-19T10:33:00.004+08:00

It was a great long weekend, although there are some sad instances but over all it was still a wonderful weekend for me. I, KM and Dare (her officemate), celebrated our birthday. We threw a birthday party in our house. I was the only one who doesn't have any guest then due to some personal problems...anyway i still had fun because my two bestfriends were there along with our other friends... we digged into the foods and got drunk of beer and vodka all night long while singing our vocal cords out in videoke...hehehe it was really really fun...full of laughters and fooling around...

I feel so dizzy the following day, i needed to get up early for i am going home to olongapo to celebrate my birthday there... It was just a simple celebration but nothing compares the contentment and happiness you feel when you're around your family and relatives...

I am really full this past weekend...bloated with food, drinks and joy...

I will attach some pics when i get the copy of it...hehehe... ^_^

Why Are You Cafe, where can i find you...

2008-08-13T17:28:00.003+08:00

Huhuhuhuhu...im so devastated to find this book... i've been calling powerbooks and fully booked for the past month now and it's always out-of-stock huhuhu...

i'm so desperate!!! waaaahhhh... i wanna 'go' to that cafe and experience it... (a thought excerpt)... T.T

Birthday is usually a special day...not this time...

2008-08-07T13:10:00.005+08:00

This could have been my fourth day here in my new work but i was absent yesterday due to some water crisis we had , so this is basically my third day at work...and in whick my birthday as well...

Yes it's my birthday...and guess how am i feeling right now...sadness and loneliness lingers...

I ate my packed lunch here in my table ALONE...

I got no one here to tell and celebrate my birthday with...ALONE again

I won't see jnan coz no means to get here...ALONE again...

This is an odd celebration, comparing it to my past years. I feel empty... I don't feel anything special today... I'm floating, waiting to hit onto something so that i can have a direction...

I'm planning on going to the mall later again so that to treat myself to a small gift...just to make today my birthday even if in essence only... Oh well... Happy Birthday to me!

Lagalag: the Traveling Journal of Filipinos

2008-08-05T16:17:00.004+08:00

Have you heard of this traveling journal of filipinos? It started last February 2007 by a man named Wilfredo Pascual. These 2 journals have been travelling around the world since then until last July 27, 2008 finally these two moleskin diaries finally meet again and reached their final destination, in the hands of Daphne Osena-Paez.

It has been handed down, delivered via mail or courier by 40 people to each other, after filling up their allotted four pages in the diary. It contains stories of different people, strangers to each other...entrusting their special memories and mementos in these diaries.

Everytime i think of it, it gives me shivers for these diaries are so precious and important. It contains other people's kept moments that they treasured very much. Some of them attached their old passports, train tickets and other small yet very meaningful things. Scribbles can be found on each page expressing the person's thoughts.

W.W.Y.D? --> What.Would.You.Do?

Hmm... well what will I write in and perhaps entrust in that diary if ever i had the chance to be part of it? Good question, i need a lot of thinking to do because i want to make use of that 4 pages, i wanna make sure i'll write something that i can share with other people...something like a life-long learning experience...

...i think i already know what to put in their... something about the heart...heart of a person like 'me'. There are still a lot of people who doesn't understand others, the way they are as an individual. And i think that's worth the 4-pages in that diary...something about acceptance, cruelty and discrimination... proving oneself's worth amidst all...

See you again...MCLSD Team :)

2008-08-01T21:32:00.004+08:00

It took me a lot of courage to decide and leave these wonderful people... true friends...

==========================================
Dear MCLSD Team,

It was really a pleasure working with you all. I met more than officemates; I made not only acquaintances but real friends with you all.

to Sir Oweng, The very bubbly Sir Oweng, hehehe… thanks for the good laughs and comforting words… will miss hugging you.. hehehe :)

to Ma’am K, Thank you for listening to me during those times :). And I will miss our chismisan. Hehehe… ung secret natin ha! “CONFIRMED talaga yun!” hahaha…

to Sir Rostum, Hehehe…you already know everything since from the start and up to the very end…and thank you for that…I appreciate it a lot. Thanks for being a good friend. :)

to Ma’am A, I learned a lot from you as my IS, all those palo and points taught me a lot, thank you... thank you for the guidance and mentorship.

to Sir Glenn, a person to look up to… the team is so blessed to have you as the head of MCLSD...and I’m glad to have been part of that team…thank you Sir for the words of wisdom.

to Arvin/Karla, I may not have the chance to really work with you sa mga projects, but thanks for the friendship and the best laughs. Will miss the times na sabay tayo umuuwi, hehehe…

to Ehm, for being so energetic so as to make a day’s work light and less stressful with your jokes and funny moments…will miss hearing them… goodluck ‘girl’ ! hahahaha

to Eunice/Sir Gener, I’m glad to have worked with you on the projects that I had, thank you for helping me. Will also miss going home and buying lunch with you, Eunice… hehehe…

to Joan, even if we didn’t work together on the same projects, thank you for being patient sa mga pangungulit ko just to ask questions about some unix commands and processes. Will miss having lunch and small talks with you hehehe… I wish you goodluck sa ‘love-life’ syempre! Hehehe… balitaan mo ko kapag meron na ha? Hehehe…

to Lynch, the ever feeling may crush ako sa kanya! Hahaha… will miss the times na kukulitin ka out of nothing… hehehe... I’m sure you’ll miss hearing “Hi Lynch :)” that you used to hear everyday hehehe…and ung pag-akbay ko sa arms mo hahaha! Don’t worry was just fooling around kasi nakakatawa ka kulitin… hehehe…

to Kha, my sister! Hehehe… thanks for being the first person to make me feel at home during my first week here…Thanks for the time when I needed an advice… keep that high-spirit attitude…I will definitely miss you! :)

to Gelo, braderrrr! Hehehe… thank you sa lahat lahat ng tulong as in… brother-at-arms and a friend… promise ndi ako magtatago sa ym hahahaha! Will miss you brader! Ingats lagi and bawasan ang cholesterol-foods… :) hehehe…

to Paul, the one who gave me the name Dominador Ylescupidez Pagkalinawan III aka DOMI…hehehe… thanks for all the concern, asking me if I’m okay and everything… I appreciate all the help and guidance… I will definitely miss our gym sessions and the kwentuhan we had after it… I wish you goodluck and keep that witty and funny attitude along with Ehm…hehehe :)

to Rhaids, ang buntis ng MCLSD, hehehe… Salamat sa pagtitiis sa mga pangungulit ko and for the advice whenever I tell you something... balitaan mo ko kapag buntis ka na ulit ha! Hehehe! I’m gonna miss you mommy rhaids! Hehehe! Ingats lagi! :) Walang kalimutan ha! :)

to Stacky, killer! Hehehe now Everytime I will encounter that word, ikaw ung maalala ko, not literally but because u had most if not all of the admirations from the ISG guys hehehe… and syempre because of your dog Killer! Hehehe… I will miss our chitchats and lunch together. Thanks for sharing thoughts and listening to me. Thank you for the advice. Thank you for the friendship. Will miss our bonding moments during the team building. Walang kalimutan ha! :)

and lastly to Louise, thanks for being my seatmate, breakfastmate, lunchmate, gymmate, ‘check’mate, and a very dearest and sweet friend… thank you for lending a shoulder...from the ‘tears’ mode to the ‘laugh’ mode. Thanks for spending time…from simple to bizarre moments. Thank you for the thoughts and advices you’ve said… I will miss those non sense talks we had :)… Thanks for being there to make work easier than it seems to be… Of course will definitely never forget you...and will always be in touch… if your mind’s in a haze, just give me a call and will try to help you out, you know naman how my mind works, no holds barred…hehehehe :) take care, good luck and always remember “happiness” ! :)

I’ve learned a lot, both professionally and morally. All of which, I will bring with me as I venture into the new environment that I am to partake.

Thank you for all the memories, whether good and ‘not so’ good. :) Will definitely miss all of you! And I hope to have more good memories with you all despite of this step that I took.

I wish all of you the best in all aspects of life! God bless always!

Like ‘someone’ said before, it is not really a goodbye from Domi but more of a see you all again next time. :)

Have a safe and great weekend team! Goodnight! :)

Regards,

아드리안

Adrian Del R. Alfonso ^_^

Globe Telecom, Inc.

3 Red Flags That You're Headed for a Breakup

2008-07-04T12:15:00.001+08:00

Nice article for those who are in a relationship and would want to have it last long...took it from a bulletin post in friendster...

When it comes to breaking up, hindsight is 20/20. But wouldn't it be nice if you could tell that you and your partner were headed for a falling out before it happened?

Fortunately, you can predict a break up. And with just a little bit of tweaking, you can get back on track and rescue your relationship before it hits the rocks.

Red Flag #1: Tuning Out

One of the most common reasons relationships fail is because one or both partners is tuning out. It might sound minor, but in actuality, few things are more hurtful than being ignored by your loved one, whether that is accompanied by emotional neglect or physical distance.

The Cure: Take Down the Wall

Tuning back in is easy. All you have to do is agree to listen to your partner's feedback and dedicate time and emotion to the relationship again. Start taking down the emotional wall, brick by brick. Look at your partner in the eye when he or she speaks (even if it is not what you want to hear), make physical contact daily (even if it is just holding hands), and re-commit to the relationship.

Well for me, who says love conquers all even distance? It's really hard for love to remain and hold-on if the presence of one side is lacking...i mean yeah LDR(long-distance relationship) still works just like in those who are separated abroad...but still even if the relationship entails that sacrifice, both should see to it that the presence is still there...it may not be physically but the emotional assurance should be there...

Red Flag #2: Fighting Fire with Fire

Couples who fight fire with fire can expect a relationship that is constantly up in flames. Name-calling, sarcasm, criticism, and violence (from throwing things, slamming doors, to actual physical abuse) result in emotional wounds that are hard to heal and relationships that are hard to rescue.

The Cure: Pour Water on the Flames

The next time you feel anger guiding you to say, or do, things you might regret, take time to cool off. If that's not possible, try framing your complaints as requests. For instance instead of, "Why did you forget our date?," you could say, "I feel sad that you forgot our date. How can we make sure this doesn't happen again?" If your partner is the one who is fanning the flames, don't engage in the vicious cycle of insults and tantrums. You can't fight fire with fire if the other person won't engage in the flame-throwing.

You got it so damn right and I couldn't agree more! COMPROMISE is the key, learn how to compromise! It takes a lot of courage to swallow up your own pride, but in doing so it will entail a great reward...

Red Flag #3: Refusing to Own Up

No one is perfect, so why is it that some of us refuse to take responsibility in our most important relationships? Passing the buck and playing the victim are surefire ways to put a relationship in jeopardy.

The Cure: Take Responsibility for Your Actions

The next time you forget an anniversary, or say something hurtful to your spouse, don't try to pass the buck and refuse to take responsibility. Instead, admit where you went wrong and try harder next time. Sounds simple... but it can save your relationship.

One word to make the pain go away is "Sorry", coupled with sincerity...everything will be okay. Sounds simple but hard to do but it will definitely save a relationship. Just don't make it a habit of doing the wrong things and saying sorry for it, as the meaning and sincerity will fade away.

So to conclude, simple things that we do can affect the relationship, we just have to weigh things before we do them. By doing this we can make the relationship intact. Fight and arguements are common to every relationship, it matters only in the way we handle and the way we put closure to these problems. And besides, its these problems, the fights and arguements, that justifies the love between two people.

Dell Inspiron 1525 Laptop

2008-06-29T22:08:00.005+08:00

Today, Louise and I were supposed to go to the gym coz it's been weeks again since the last time we worked out but because of the stronger desire to just hang out at a near by mall, we changed our plan and headed to Podium.

I brought along with me my laptop, in which i just bought mid of 2nd quarter this year and then after almost a month, its uber 250gb harddisk crashed. Yeah i know the feeling!!! Not to brag about my laptop that has soaring specs, a black dell inspiron 1525 model: 3gb RAM; 250gb SATA HD; Intel Core 2 Duo; 1.83Ghz; built-in 2 megapixel webcam; and wi-fi capable. I had my friend buy it in Canada, and it's really cheaper compared to those laptops available here that are far down with regards to their specs. Well i guess this is the price you pay for having it bought outside because the warranty support for it will be a tedious thing since there's no official Dell support center here in the country, and the only choice for me to avail the warranty included is to ship it back to Canada. No way! I'll just shed some money to have it fixed rather than taking the risk of sending it to Canada with no finite timing when it can be returned to me.

Anyway to cut it short, I went to GTG shop at the basement level of Podium and had them checked on the unit and advise on whether my speculation was true and on the solution. Vern, the guy from the shop received my laptop, and took out the harddisk from it and have it plugged like an external harddisk on a near by pc to check whether he can retrieve my numerous and precious files before reformatting it if it can still be used. We left the laptop with him while he was trying to revive it because it will just bore us out. Instead, he will just text me on the findings once done.

Side story...we left the GTG shop and had ourselves dine on NYPD, that's in the Cinema level of Podium, beside Subway. Louise was the one who picked the place and as well as the food. We pigged out on blue cheese delights. She ordered an NYPD Blue Pizza, Buffalo wings and Clam Chowder soup. I love the unique taste of blue cheese on the pizza, she's hesitant that i might not like the taste of it but c'mon i love food trip. The buffalo wings for me tops it all, i drooled on the sauce, its somewhat tangy and a bit spicy, that really complimented the dip made up of tartar cream sauce mixed with blue cheese. I love the dip! I even used some of it as a speard over my blue cheese pizza. Clam chowder is fine with me nothing speacial but delicious. Definitely i will go back to get some of the buffalo wings again and blue cheese pizza. Ok enough about food! Remember, you didn't go the gym! Hahahaha! Going back to the main topic...

I received an sms message from Vern, saying that he could no longer reformat my harddisk and worse, couldn't make it work anymore to retrieve my files. Oh no!Goodbye to my files which includes a lot of pictures, personal stuffs, previous work-related projects, etc...I don't have any back-up of those coz to sum them all would amount to more than 70gb in size. Regrets...regrets...if i haven't deleted the files after transferring them from my old laptop, i should still have them.

The only option left for me was to buy a new hard disk. I went to megamall to buy a new one, instead of letting the shop buy for me which would take a number of days before they can give me back my laptop. I bought a 160gb harddisk. I decided to downgrade it from the previous 250gb to 160gb harddisk because I am afraid that it might crash again and will just make the remaining free space go to waste. I'll just buy an external hard disk so that I can have more than 250gb of space that is separated from each other. So if ever, well I hope not anymore, one of the harddisk crash then i still have my backup stored in the other one. I got my laptop around 8pm, its fixed already with all the packaged installers installed. The total amount i spent for the repair is 5100 pesos, the breakdown will be 1800 pesos for the service fee and 3300 pesos for the 160gb hard disk.

Lessons learned:

1. Always have a back-up!

2. Don't let your crashed harddisk saturated for too long, as early as you can bring them to a repair shop for a higher chance in reviving and repairing(as advised by Vern)

3. Don't be so over confident that a powerful laptop could not be faulty.

Why bother blogging??

2008-06-25T14:04:00.001+08:00

It never came to my mind why on earth I started out with this blog a couple of years ago, not until I came to a blog post on wordpress.com. So why did I create this blog in the first place? If I am going to cast a spell to turn back time and be the person I was before when I first started out this blog, definitely i'll say for fun and the trend. Couple of years ago, tech life has been living in its peak and online journals or the word 'blog' as the term the trendy and 'it' people calls it were sprouting everywhere. Lots of websites hosting free online journal are coming out, to date there are 14,500,000 hits when you try searching the words "free online journal blog" using Google. Yes, that much hit is returned, looks exaggerated but true. And because im still young then, almost all the yuppies have their own personal blogs and so i said to myself, i need to have one as well hahaha! Too petty right? I know very much childish and immature!

Anyway going back to present, as time goes by, people change and so as their perspective in things. If I am to ask now why do blog, I would simply say that it's my mirror. Through here I can definitely express myself. I can freely say the stuffs that I want to, no holds barred to everything. I can become true to myself without any pretentions. I can laugh and cry without any hesitations. For the longest time now, I've always try to hide away from what i really feel and who i really am. And it is because of this blog, i can open up. For me, its easier to express whatever is in me thru here rather than talk about it. And lastly full of memories worth reminiscing and lessons that are to be learned from... when i don't feel good, i just revisit my previous posts to unravel my feelings.

With blogging, I can carry out intellectual conversations and opinions on everything. Its also a good way for me to see thru other people's mind from different parts of the world. I consider blogging to be a portal of the heart and mind...a plane worth exploring. :)

Proud to be Pinoy!

2008-06-20T14:56:00.010+08:00

It is really sad to know that the foreigners recognize the filipino workers rather than our government does. This is something that our government should work on, improving the lives and welfare of the filipinos, giving credits to them instead of just politicalizing. They are considered as modern day heroes, not only because of the revenue they gave to our country but also because of the loneliness and sadness they have to endure being away from family just to give them a good life. They sacrificed the times where they could be with their loved ones especially during the childhood of their sons and daughters.

The article shows how filipino workers abroad are highly appreciated and given importance to their society, like in Saudi Arabia.

In relation to this, i would like to give credits to ABSCBN's 55th Year Advocacy, "Walang Iwanan Sa BAYANIJUAN" in which it brings back the concept of Filipino volunteerism or the bayanihan that will be the core foundation in launching different projects that will help create a better, more compassionate Philippines that will nurture the lives of future filipinos. The first successful tv campaign with the official theme song "Bagong Simula" really struck the hearts of the youth to realize how it is essential for the filipinos to do something about the current situation of the Philippines if we want to preserve the worth of filipinos.

I just hope that the spirit of bayanihan touches the filipinos in all parts of the world, especially our 'Government' , =P .

Cheers to the Filipinos! WALANG IWANAN SA BAYANIJUAN!!! ^__^

The Day After Tomorrow...

2008-06-18T11:14:00.007+08:00

I have finally accepted the fact that sometimes things are not really meant for you no matter how bad you want it. It has sinked into my mind now that Watson Wyatt is not for me. At first its so hard to accept that coz the way i see it, it will be a very good opportunity for me. My career will really blossom in Watson Wyatt. I'm blinded by the short term achievements and pleasures, coz with them i will be able to go to UK, but only for the training.

I realized that God wants me to look what's beyond tomorrow, He's preparing me into something I don't know what it is and it's making me shiver in a way but I know, like always, He has plans. I just have to put my 100% trust on Him. I've felt a tremendous amount of depression and sadness, I've cried for a number of nights already and that's enough i've already suited myself up with pity and grief of how my life has been doing.

My last day here at work is nearing, and i don't know what will happen to me after. I'll just have to put my faith in Him and be amenable to whatever He gives to me. I've already asked Him a lot of questions that you could ever imagine, and He just answered me with two words.....FAITH and TRUST.

Like everybody else here in the Philippines, I am also dreaming, wanting and would definitely do anything just to have the life that i want. I want to give my family the comfort of life in exchange for the hardships and sufferings I have endowed on them while they were raising me to become the upright and brilliant person that i am now. For me, no matter what, thats how i would want to give them the token of thank you.

Just like the way i uttered my promise that i have fulfilled now, I am going to make the same attitude of statement that I will definitely prove that I stay true and intact with my words.

this is it...i've chosen to take the new path...

2008-05-28T18:33:00.005+08:00

Yesterday i have finally submitted my resignation letter. I sit down with my supervisor and discussed her with the new career opportunity that i have decided to partake. I made it in a nice toned manner, carefully selected the words that came out of my mind and heart. We both made the conversation lightly and fun eventhough it was a serious matter. I had the hard time explaining my decision because i wanted to tell her everything in a way that it is not awkward and not offensive, no matter how bad i felt in my stay here i still couldn't divulge it bluntly...it really is in my nature to look for the person's feelings. She took the matter in a very unbiased stand. The main reason is that i wanna go back on the development track. First, it was really the job that i love, second, i can't seem to out-weigh the stress im getting in this kind of job with the previous jobs that i had. And lastly, i don't have the urge and motivation anymore to see myself pursuing this career. I didn't even bother getting into the details regarding our relationship as supervisor despite the initiative she did during our talk, maybe because i want us to go on our separate lives still intact with professionalism just like the way we were when i first set my foot here. There were negotiations but i took the risk of declining them. This is something that i have decided and will definitely have no regrets in the end. I am responsible for my actions.

After we talked, she discussed it with our boss and to the senior in our section. I was expecting a 2nd round with her and our boss but it was just our boss who called me up if i have a minute to talk. As always, he is very heart-warming and very assertive person, he had only one question for me, "Is it still revocable?", and like the person i am, very sensitive and conciderate of other's feelings, i answered, "to much of my regret sir but i have already decided to go for the new opportunity." He understood then, explained that its acceptable but would really want me to stay if there's still a chance. He wished me goodluckand hopes that the relationship, the friendship i've established here will never end by leaving the company...for he politely stated that all the persons i've met here specfically our team were real friends, real people. Having it all heard from him made me sad for the people i already made friends with here will surely be miss.

Very few from our team knows it and i'm sure maybe next week or late this week all of my teammates will know of my decision. I am prepared but sad...i dont have any idea of the people i'll meet but im not afraid anymore...this is the circle of life...i already understand now...

Now i can sleep well although the feeling of sadness still lingers...floating into the vast ocean of mixed emotions...

The time of my life...

2008-05-26T17:18:00.006+08:00

...thought i couldn't live without 'you'... its gonna hurt when it heals to...it will all get better in time...

This month is really an emotional breakdown for me...all of the lowest moments came at the same time. Once again, i felt the urge of giving up...to surrender again. The damage is really deep when it is aimed emotionally, so devastating and depression really lingers.

Personally, im still coping up with the recent changes in my life. I can say it straight now that i'm alone but not lonely. I've learned to accept what's God's plan for me. I know there's someone along meant for me.

Professionally, i've been so depressed with what's happening to my career right now. I have so many questions, full of why's... (to be continued...)

an encounter with a dinoSAUR on planet X'S XAM

2007-11-16T15:45:00.000+08:00

i am a victim of my own game...hmm... oh well, there's this stranger... i fooled around and was noticed thinking that i made up an impression... i kept on glancing and smiling, having myself in view always so that i will be noticed. When i thought i have proven that my gutfeel was right that this stranger was eyeing on me, the stranger then flirted with somebody else. So for the last time, on my way out, i pretended i didn't made any of those moves and pretended it was unintentionally done. :(

hmm... it's really not good to make assumptions...for i get really affected by it hahahaha...

Upclose with an Exhibitionist

2007-11-13T10:22:00.006+08:00

About last night, i was in glorietta waiting for someone. I decided to go to the comfort room to wash-up and freshen-up. A couple of guys went in and out of the confort room, different ages but there was one guy who caught my attention. He looked somewhat weird, i think he's in the 30-40 age bracket. He went to one of the urinals, took a pee. I was infront of the big mirror fixing my hair as you would all know that i'm vain when it comes to how my hair looks. I noticed the man for he has been in front of the urinal for so long where in fact 2 or 3 guys had used the urinal beside him already. Carefully i looked at him and to my surprise i saw his thing. He was doing something to his thing, something like massaging it. To my astonishment i removed my eyes to it and pretended i didn't see him doing it, continued to fix my hair. He didn't see me staring at him in the mirror's reflection but i know for a fact that he knew i can see what he was doing and to some sort he liked it, he liked that i can see what he was doing. When i looked at the reflection again, he was like pulling his thing with a hard grip, he was really showing-it off. I can see from the reflection that it's elongated and really hard. I got scared when he turned his head on the mirror and i know he was looking into my eyes then but i didn't look at him, pretending i didn't notice him and was focused with my hair. I quickly walked out of the comfort room and was a bit paranoid that he might follow me.

What is Exhibitionism really? It is a psychological behaviour wherein a person is extravagant to show off his/her genital parts just to satisfy his cravings, may it be for fun, for lust, to attract sex or simply for self-satisfaction. According to a research the most common of all reason is for sex.

Well i think it was also his reason for doing that, to attract someone for sex...sheezz...I was really lost then for i only see those stuffs in tv documentaries. I didn't think it was real and now i saw it first hand....Creepy...

30 DAYS OF NIGHT turned out 3 WAYS OF ANIMOSITY

2007-11-08T15:50:00.001+08:00

I waited more than 2 hours for my friend....good thing i had my laptop with me then so i just did some work at starbucks. I was really pissed off that night for a couple of reasons. I made an early notice that the movie, 30 Days of Night will be 7:20pm, yet my friend was still at home around 7pm, to think that travel time will take more than an hour. Second, upon arriving at the area, i was instructed to go out of starbucks and meet up along the way...hello?!?! for goodness' sake, i've been here waiting for so long and my things are all out in the table and now you wanted me to meet up along the way?! Grrr... i was even blackmailed then that if i do not want to meet up along the way then might just cancel the movie... What an ass****. Third and last, so i left starbucks and went to powerbooks, i went inside powerbooks. I told my friend to go inside powerbooks and meet me there, here's what was really annoying, my friend was already outside powerbooks and didn't want to get inside and even asked me to go out...even did the same blackmail pattern before...what a spoiled brat! grr...

So to wrap it all up, we ended up watching the movie past 9pm and it ended past 11pm. I was really pissed but controlled my temper coz i really want to watch a movie then. Oh well, that will be the last time! :s

MCDO...

2007-11-07T15:47:00.000+08:00

At long last another option during lunch time has opened here near office...Today is the grand opening of McDonald's - Robinson's Pioneer branch. Funny coz despite of McDonald's being so common everywhere, people still went to the opening and not just in normal volume but a very crowded one. hehehe... Kris Aquino was also there for the opening along with McDonald's Philippines CEO.

I'm going to watch movie later as planned, i hope it will push thru and will go along just fine, a bit nervous with the person i'm going with. geezzz...

Me anew...

2007-10-30T15:37:00.000+08:00

woah...i never had the time to write here again...been job hopping already yet i wasn't able to relay it here. I'm currently working now for Globe, yes you read it right, i can rightfully say now "R U 1 OF US?". :) Better compensation, better environment, better career path for i am into management path now. It's more than 3 months already and had just been regularized. Despite of the good things happening to my career, still barely the same with before, still looking for something in which i don't have any clue what it is.

Oh yeah almost forgot to tell the things that had happend to me for the last months. I lost my 02 mini pda phone. While i was on my way home, it was stolen in my bag. Didn't even felt anything despite my bag was opened then and there. The first time ever had this kind of incident since i started my life here in manila. Hmm... of course i was hysterical then and even wanted to curse whoever did that but i came into realization that maybe there's a good reason why it happend. Maybe something bad will happend in my life and in order to avoid that i had to lose my phone. With that it's better to leave it unknown rather than have regrets in the end. I haven't bought new phone, and i don't know when will i buy. Still thinking if a new phone is where i really want my money to spend at to.

I know you've been looking for my entry regarding my heart matters, hahaha! I got you there! I'm happy right now, starting to realize something out of the experiences i'm having... to appreciate what you have right now and don't look for better one...coz it's really true, someone better will come along but you have to stick to the one whom you entrusted your heart with. Well its up to you to decipher whether i'm single or not hahahaha! Just one thing i am starting to appreciate what is NOW.

New things about me? Now i stand for what i want and on how i should deal with my environment. I'm only clamouring what has been meant for me all along. I'm not an as*****, i'm just trying to straighten things out that was bent through my life and that includes showing people around me who i really am, sorry if i don't agree with what you want. Just don't want to be a lap dog.

deep within my soul...

2007-06-12T11:36:00.000+08:00

Whenever you're near me i feel like i'm safe
Whenever you're far i feel like i'm missing
It's hard to see what my life means
But when i'm with you everything is clear

Living without you is like living alone
Heaven is with you, missing you is hell
You see in me what others can't see
You make me realize how special i am

But now, i am already awake
It was just nothing but all dreams
You laid me into a serene slumber
A feign world of love and beauty

Little by little it poisons my every being
I was breathing sweet air...a fatal sweet air
It came to a point that i was already consumed by it
My judgment was clouded and my heart could no longer feel what's right.

When you made that move, you already casted your die.
Now its my turn to cast mine.
To forget everything that i felt, that everything was just a dream
A reality made only by half of love, your heart.

You need not to say sorry... you were just fighting for what you believed in...
I need not to say sorry... i was just that indispensable...as what you've made me realized.

What can i do without you My Jap-ed?

2006-05-26T09:51:00.000+08:00

Last night i was able to talk to my jap-ed. I'm so happy coz talking to my jap-ed person made me feel better, like it has given me the will and strength again to survive this sadness that i feel. I told my jap-ed jap-ed that i can't make it this saturday coz our schedule was moved til next week. I'm still sad though coz i can't go with my jap-ed jap-ed this sunday to an event or such...told me also that jap-ed jap-ed will not stay long in manila coz jap-ed jap-ed said i'm not there so there's no reason to stay long there....that made my heart stomp a beat. I really really miss my jap-ed jap-ed so much...hmm...i just hope and pray we can really go home next week that it will not be rescheduled again...

Homesick..missing a lot.

2006-05-24T10:35:00.000+08:00

Despite the fact that we went to the mall last night and the possibility that i'll buy an O2 Xda Mini but not for me...my mom said its for her, i still lonely...in fact i got so down again last night when silence starts to succumb my room...my heart was like being pierced, then i remember my jap-ed jap-ed and my family and then everything went so sad again...

I can't put in words what i felt last night...i just don't know anymore...all i did was pray to Him that He makes me strong and intact with my inner sense. Guide me as i go thru this...and lastly i asked Him to give us a strong foundation of trust and love coz i'm starting to rattle here...i don't care of the money that i have, i just wanna go home... :"(

Sucked up by loneliness.

2006-05-23T18:17:00.000+08:00

Last night i felt the gruesome feeling of loneliness again. Until now it's still crawling in my emotional stream. I don't wanna cry again tonight. I wanna go home...there's too many reasons that makes me like this...homesick is killing me... too many things going thru my mind. i can't control it anymore...i miss a lot of people...i miss my family... i miss the philippines... i miss my 'jap-ed person' ... i feel so terrible... i miss my jap-ed jap-ed person...

Exit to Cambodia: what a wreck!

2006-05-20T18:48:00.000+08:00

Yesterday we're so exhausted and dog-tired. We went to Cambodia just to have our visa renewed, so that we can stay here in Thailand for a month again. The trip to Cambodia was not nice because we left here 5a.m. and arrived there at around 9a.m. The place looks like a remote area, its like civilization hasn't reached the place...with what i saw i can say that the country has unstable economy. The place looks scary coz its dusty. Beggars and street vendors are everywher. The place has this unpleasant odor. Despite of the dreadful stuffs, there were also some good places like the casino-hotels and the duty free shops. After going back to thailand, we first head off to Holiday Palace, its a casino-hotel in Cambodia. We had our breakfast there and it was splendid coz there were lots of food served in buffet style so i got myself on festive wahehehehe... after eating to my desire we went for a walk around the hotel and look at the slots machine and etc...

After we got our visa's, we returned back to thailand, On our way back, there was a check point somewhere along the road and we were asked to pull over at the side. The driver said something about Philippines and passport, we couldn't understand them coz they were talking in thai and the driver can't speak english. Then the policeman asked us to show our passport. At first we were hesistant to give them, Ms Bing asked why he wanted to see our passport and he said "check", maybe he just wanted to check if what the driver has said was true. Maybe the driver told that we came from Philippines and just renewed our visa's. After checking our passports, we're back on the road. We arrived in the hotel at around 3pm .

Thanks to my Jap-ed!

2006-05-12T10:01:00.000+08:00

My graduation was over and i didn't even get the chance to smell the scent of victory over college life...
I'm thankful for that special person who made me realize that i shouldn't feel bad about what happend...'person' comforted me, despite the fact that we're away from each other. 'person' showed me the things that i should be happy about, showed me how lucky i am and how my co-graduates will surely envy me because of whats happening to my life right now... 'person' appreciated everything that i do, notices it and gives recognitions to it.

I'm happy that God made our paths cross, I just pray that God will bless our relationship...I may not know what God's plan in the future but whatever it is I'm sure He's just teaching me and i can get over it. Im such a hard-headed person that's why He makes me learn that way hehehe...thanks so much my God.

Thanks my jap-ed 'person' for coming into my life...you are my very first thought in the morning and my last at nightfall...love always!

My Graduation Day :"(

2006-05-11T13:30:00.000+08:00

Today is my graduation day. I really feel so sad the fact that i am not there, a very special occassion in my life... I don't feel good today... grrr.... if it isn't for this damn work i could have been there... waaahhhh!!!! i wanna scream!!!

i 'WAS' part of that plan

2006-05-08T09:20:00.000+08:00

I felt sad again coz i got this email from my officemate who's also my co-graduate this coming may 11 and she told me about the activities of the graduation ceremony...i can be there if I didn't go here. Whoever thinks that its more fun to be here than to be in your graduation is a total a*****e!! Graduation day makes you realize that you've succeeded all the obstacles and tests in becoming a person ready to face the real world...its the realization, the fulfillment of one's self... now i will never be able to experience that feeling because of this damn work!!!! It's like i havent graduated yet coz i will not be declared coz i'm not there....and it really pisses me off...i'm really really mad about it...i wanna yell at them, to my seniors and boss for not letting me go to the graduation...its just 1 day...damn them!!!! There will come a time where i can have my revenge...i am sure of it and i will make sure that it will come...

Baht and Broke

2006-05-06T03:01:00.000+08:00

We're on a tight budget today coz this is the last day of our allowance that was given to us. We just hope that they will send us another allowance within next week or else we're doomed...

i wanna buy new cell phone yet i can't coz i dont have enough money. I want the O2 Atom or Mini...but if i can't make it til the last day here i'll just buy the new Samsung D820 or the moto slvr L7... huhuhuhuh...

I miss a lot of people...my family, my friends and of course my special one...but i need to have this sacrifice if i want to buy them the stuffs that they want...i really want to buy them those... i just wish they are here with me coz pretty sure they will like clothes here especially my two sisters... ^_^v

At last its rest day tomorrow...well we will not go out tomorrow coz we're low on baht...hehehe...so we will just stay in the hotel...perhaps have a swim or go to the gym...

what? what?? what???

2006-05-04T12:16:00.000+08:00

I'm really bored here.. we don't go anywhere else aside from the malls...sheezzzz...i didn't even get the chance to visit the tourist's spots and get a pic of it so that i can show my family and friends there in the philippines. waaahhhh!!!!! it sucks!!!!!

I'm really on a tight budget coz i dont know what mobile phone to buy, my choices are Samsung D820, O2 Atom, O2 mini and Moto L7....I also want to go shopping and buy myself some clothes...i also need to buy 'pasalubongs' to my friends...sheezzzz....really on a tight budget grrr.........

Raging Flames of Boredom

2006-04-27T09:45:00.000+08:00

I'm starting to get annoyed to my senior here...you know why? because she insists that she told me to back up the codes before modifying them which she didn't tell me at all yesterday and now she's saying that she did...i'm so pissed off coz of stress as well...one more thing i dont like about her is after office we dont go directly to the hotel instead she drags us on strolling even after buying our lunch...hello? we went out of office late, she strolls so we stroll as well and then we have to wake up early the next day??? sheezzz... thats a total sicko! grrr!!!!!!!

Another day here in the office....hay... nothing's special here...i dont feel happy nor excited everytime i wake up...

2006-04-26T16:43:00.000+08:00

Last night we went home around 11:45pm...we have to finish the work so that we can give it to the QA here for their testing...despite of the time we went out last night, we still came here in the office 9:00 in the morning...coz thats how it should be according to the company...sheeezzz.... its really really tiring...i feel so sleepy right now...we're still doing some testing today and i can't keep my eyes from shutting and my head from banging down....

well i was just wondering why do they have odd names...i mean the thai people have weird names. Here in the office, they have names that sound very weird and sometimes funny... names like Kwang, Koy, Tan, Worn, Pong...and many more that i forgot already coz its hard to remember too... i mean if you were brought up western culture, who would want to name his or her children names like that??? no offense meant but its really really funny...but despite of their 'not good' names some of them look good/nice like Ms. Kwang and Mr. Worn...

Another thing i noticed is that the people here look like from other nations/countries...some of them look like filipinos, chinese, japanese, arab, korean, and there are a lot of people here from the western and northern countries as well like US, I think they working here...

I don't know whether its good or bad that we don't understand each others languages...we dont understand thai language and they dont understand tagalog...we can talk about them even in tagalog even if they are around coz they don't know what we're saying...and same as them also, we don't know if they're talking about us when they speak thai...sometimes you could feel that you're the topic of the talk coz of their facial expressions.hmm...so annoying...

To offset sadness virtually.

2006-04-25T13:58:00.000+08:00

i bought a Nintendo DS the other day to offset my loneliness...i bought the game Nintendogs(dashund and friends)...its a very nice game for dog lovers coz you can actually take care of your virtual dog, play with them, dress them up and even teach them tricks...

There are so many huge malls and designer boutiques here...a lot of expensive stuffs especially the branded ones but there are also the affordable ones...hehehe i havent shopped yet...the only thing i have bought for now is my Nintendo DS...i'll just buy clothes and stuffs for myself next time that we go out and when i have money again hehehehe...and of course how would i forget the 'pasalubongs' for my family and friends there in the philippines...it really is hard to be afar from your family and homeland as well...i miss the philippines...i miss the food...i miss the people...i miss hearing the tagalog language...and lastly i miss my loved ones coz right i seldom talk to them, actually since i got here i only talked to them once thru a landline here in the hotel that is too expensive...i havent bought a mobile phone, my old phone got broken the day before my flight here... :( i just wish i could find an affordable, nice mobile phone here... sheezzz... i need to be thrifty.... i dont like the food here too... :( and the smell of the environment!!!! so yuck!!! waaaahhhhh!!!! :"(

Sawasdee Krup Thailand

2006-04-22T11:37:00.000+08:00

I'm already here in thailand, in the office to be exact...yeah i know its saturday but we still have to be here in the office to start the project so that we can go back there to the philippines as soon as possible.

Ms. Bing(my senior) was really scheduled for a flight the other day, april 20 and i was a chance passenger then coz my schedule is really yesterday. They want me to be a chance passenger so that ms. bing has a companion.. we weren't able to catch the flight coz we came in late...hehehehe... well we didn't do it intentionally...and because of that ms. bing rebooked her flight on the same time as mine...we didn't want to leave the country for our own reasons...her reason is because she just came in from a maternity leave and her baby is just 2 months old only. my reason is if i were to come here in thailand i will not be able to attend the graduation ceremony on may 11 coz this project will last for about 3 months or so... the only thing i wanted before is to graduate and attend the ceremony, after what i've been through with my subjects i wouldn't be able to attend the graduation because i'm here...my officemates already told me that the chances are to slim that the company will let me go back there for graduation... its so sad... :(

We arrived at Bangkok international airport at exactly 5:45pm yesterday. After chiecking out we went to straight to our hotel to drop off our baggages and then headed to office to let them know that we're already here...it was already past 9:00pm when we left the office. We went to robinsons mall to have dinner and bought some foods to stock up our hotel rooms hehehe...

My insights upon arriving here and seeing thailand for the first time...Thailand is just like the Philippines, traffic worse here than in the philippines i think, narrow streets, lots of street foods, 'tiangge' everywhere, not so clean streets, congested houses, train, and the people...they also look like filipinos...its even hard to distinguish especially when they are not talking...

Mixed Emotions.. ~_o;;

2006-04-19T10:18:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was the judgement day for me whether i'll graduate this may 11 or not...and...i will!!!!!!! hehehehe!!!! at last our defense days are over...i'm so happy... i don't know how to carry out what i'm feeling but its really joy to me... there were only few to whom i told it...i just want to cherish it to myself for now...

I don't know whether its a good news or a bad news to me coz today my senior told me that we might be leaving for thailand tomorrow...and i don't like to fly there tomorrow coz its so unplanned...of course it will be my first time to leave the country and i want it to go smoothly as possible coz i'll be leaving my homeland and being there is like a total independent...grrr...i really dont like unplanned stuffs coz its so annoying...grrr....!!!!!!!!

i really feel bad about the stuff leaving tomorrow... :(

Holy Week Vacation, Love and Fun Blast!

2006-04-17T23:16:00.000+08:00

Its been almost a month since the last time i get to write here...hehehe...well what happend for those past weeks? hmm...i already bought a pair of contact lens which is peppermint colored, i tried the ultramarine but its so vulgar and bold...i dont think i can carry that color for now hehehe maybe in the near future...well since my eyes got this green color more people are staring at me...hehehe...its kinda uneasy of course...

I took an exam in Accenture coz someone from GROW, Inc called me and told me that Accenture invited me to take the exam for the position Jr. Software Engr. Im wondering how did Accenture got my application the fact that i applied for that position in GROW, Inc. Did Grow, Inc referred me to Accenture? It made me even wonder more when i read the terms and conditions written in the PDS of Accenture that the undersigned (applicant) shouldn't be affiliated in any of the companys on the list and one of which was GROW, Inc.... o_O?? how's that?? after i finished my exam and submitted my PDS the proctor told me to wait in the lobby for someone will approach me...i asked why coz i wanted to go home then but she just repeated that i wait outside...the reason why is because im already in lined for the interview... we were 30 who took the exam and 5 of us were only asked to stay for the interview...sheezzzz...it was such a long day for me...

Holy week was over and i spent it in olongapo...ps2 galore!! all i did was play PS2 with my nieces...i didn't go to the beach...i didn't even went out coz its dead hot outside...the vacation was short and i long for it still...i met someone this past holy week and i hope its the 'someone' that i'm waiting for... *kilig* hehehehe... i need to do some diet again hehehe... la lang...i gained some weight this holy week coz i've been a total couch potato...eat,ps2,eat,ps2,eat,ps2,sleep,ps2,...hehehe...

Ratio of School to Work ~_~;

2006-03-29T21:05:00.000+08:00

I went to school today meaning, i didnt go to work...yeah salary deduction again but what can i do? school is also my priority...well the reason why i went to school is that the group needed to be present there to submit the software and documentation to get a schedule for defense... the professor who checked the software we did was very particular with what's usual and normal wherein at the end of the consultation we had to fix some of the functionalities of the the software because he wanted it to be in a way he think of as it should be...sheezzz....another load for me since im the only programmer in the group...i just hope i can do all the changes before the deadline set to me which is a week..

i'm thinking of what to do on my next salary whether to buy a pair of contact lens, modify my ps2 or save it for future use...im still undecide....and i'm thinking very deep coz i know now how important money is...when you're the one earning it...when you're the one working for it, you'll know the worth of every cent you spend...

Creepy House... ^_^

2006-03-28T14:00:00.000+08:00

I wasn't able to check the room/unit last night so i asked my officemate who knows the place to accompany me... we went earlier this day...i was disappointed with what i saw...it was not in good condition as to its price...sheezzz...its so creepy... i need to look for another one again... i want to move in to a place near the office after holy week...waahhh is it really this hard to find a nice place nowadays? *omg*

Well about last night a friend of ours from baguio went to the house, he asked us to go out and have some coffee or so at starbucks. We went at around 11pm coz our other friends couldn't decide yet...we did the usual...jokes, fooling around, teasing and picture picture...i wasn't in the right condition to go there coz im tired from work and i couldn't take the noise pollution there, different sounds/musics/remix were coming from the bars near starbucks...it was really a pain in the head last night...irritating to be exact... the different sounds mixed into each other in a way that is so very unpleasant to the ears...it was really a noise...

i was so tired and sleepy when we came home at around 2am...

Deployment Day!!! yippeee

2006-03-27T17:30:00.000+08:00

At last we finished the software, it was finaly sent today to our client in thailand...while waiting for their reports and findings i''ve been asked to test the server application that i did...*omg am i really goin to handle most of the server apps now?*

I had fun last night coz it was my friend's grad celebration...it was great..lots of funny moments and spoofs...teasing and teasing...jokes and stuffs...hahaha!!! i was even bloated, pasta galore!!! and of course 'picture-picture' hahaha!!!

Im going to check the room/unit near our office coz i'm looking for a place near the office...coz i take 4 rides on my way to office and 3 rides on my way home... On my way to office, from UST i take an FX to LRT central station then ride the LRT and get off at the EDSA station and from EDSA station i take the MRT and get off at MRT ayala station and finally from there i take my last ride, The Fort Bus and at last im at work...harrassed and stressed out early in the morning... and after work, from office, i ride the Fort Bus and then again MRT at ayala station but this time i'm bound north to Cubao station, and from cubao i take an FX to UST and there at last im home...tired and sleepy..thats my daily routine...>#_#<

Bugs...i see bugs everywhere >@_@<

2006-03-24T10:57:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was really really traumatic...there were so many bugs to fix... the moment you send the modified program another bug will from another module will be sent to you...it was like never ending... i almost broke out, i wanted to scream to my content...i almost cried out hahahaha...teary eyed to be exact due to stress... it was really a devastating day...

I was early today coz my parents came here in manila and they dropped me off to work...i'm going home later to olongapo coz i need to renew my passport for future purposes *wink*...i was asked to finish my work today if i will not go to office tomorrow and i did my best to finish it but i couldn't...i guess thats all i could exert today...i will not go to work still coz i want to give my mind a break...i wanna take a rest. This week was exhausting and life-draining...

Hand Dryer :D

2006-03-22T11:38:00.000+08:00

I woke up at around 6:30 and I took a bath coz i don't wanna look haggard and my hair is so oily due to stress...Funny coz i couldnt think of anything else of the hand dryer to dry my hair... hehehe and so i used it to dry my hair..^_^v of course i still wanna look ok even if i didnt have enough sleep..hehehe... i just hope everything will be okay today....

Overtime...overnight...

2006-03-21T00:12:00.000+08:00

It's already past 12midnight and I'm still here in the office coz we're rushing things up coz we have a deadline on wednesday. We're having an overnight here coz we still have lots of bugs to fix...I'm a bit sleepy now though...i just wish i can withstand this sleepy mood...okay back to work now...got lots of modules with bugs...

Its almost 4a.m. now and we're so so wasted...we even went down to buy some food just to make ourselves awake...Outside the building there were those call centre peeps...they look normal, i mean in terms of working time, they already adapted on working graveyard...We were the only office open on the 3rd floor, the call centre is on the ground floor. Afterwards our project manager told us that we can rest coz she noticed that we don't look okay anymore and she's also sleepy already...

Thanks Grace and Louise!

2006-03-20T11:17:00.000+08:00

Yesterday i'm glad that somehow i was able to lock in the feeling of sober and depression... my two bestfriends and I went out late in the afternoon...we went to st. francis square. I bought so dvd games for my ps2...'magnacarta: tears of blood' and 'resident evil 4', two of my fave. games...my eyes were gleaming to the dvd games that i saw...i was like a child then very fond of video games...i couldn't take my eyes from them...hehehe...good thing my two best buds were there, they dragged me out of the mall hehehehehe...

Next stop, we went to Greenhills. My kikay best friend wanted to go there coz she wanted to go shopping and also she has some evil plans as well...hehehe.... yeah there were lotsa peeps there...we went from one stall to another...we were there until closing time...we all had soring feet and very hungry after shopping...i only bought a billabong shirt coz they stopped me from shopping coz i have to treat them dinner hehehe...foolish friends hehehe...we then went to promenade to find a resto...we wanted to eat at tender bobs but it was so congested...we even thought of eating at a persian resto there, we even joked around that upon leaving that resto we will be dancing like persians in genie costumes hahahah.... in the end we were left no choice but to dine at mexicali...funny and disappointed coz almost all of the food we ordered were not available anymore...and so we end up having some grilled beef quesadillas and steak enchiladas with rice and salad for dinner...good thing the food was great...we were so full...all we did while eating was take pictures of us...and of course...rating the peeps passing by the resto hahahahaha!!! After engorging the food i asked them if they wanted to have some frap or coffee...and of course do you expect them to refuse? hahaha! and so we went to starbucks, we had white mocha frap, espresso frap, and green tea frap... and again we our routine...picture taking and rating peeps hahaha!! we talked about lots of stuffs, serious and not, jack-ass and stupidity, our cries and pleas...hehehehe... i really miss them...they are my real friends...the ones whom i will cherish and treasure forever...my reason to live up to the best and my reason to hope for...they are my strength...the epitomy of 'true friends'... ^_^

Emotional Distress

2006-03-18T11:06:00.000+08:00

I'm here at the office, we were asked to have an overtime today. Honestly, i dont feel happy with my work anymore, maybe its because im undergoing an emotional swing lately...its just that i grew weary of everything...all i wanna do is have fun and not think of anything serious...i just wanna get out of this limbo. School and work crushes my sense of stability...

It's already 8pm and we're still here...I'm done with the server program and the bug fixing that was given to me later this afternoon...i still feel down and low...i can't be happy...i can't feel fulfillment...i just wish this will be over soon...

Another Down fall... :"(

2006-03-17T17:40:00.000+08:00

Last night was really really devastating but today is more...I almost cried when my friends here in the office pat me...I still can't accept the fact that the three months of design went to nothing...we wasted money...and the worst we wasted time...I haven't told my parents yet about what happend last night coz i know they will look at me lesser than before now that this had happend...i kept on thinking what did i do this time that made God test my faith and hope again...i haven't recovered yet from the last heartbreak and now here it is again...a new one was given to me...another test...i haven't cried yet since last night and i dont know for how long can i keep it and show them that its nothing...that i'm okay...i look calm and at ease outside but deep within me a soar of emotions is erupting...

I'm so point blank right now...i dont know what to do anymore...the feeling of lost is eating me up...its making me unstable...its killing the only thing i have in life to keep me balance and stable...my innerself...my light...my fire...im so cold inside...im getting wear and frail again...

Toxicity...

2006-03-15T17:45:00.000+08:00

This week is soooooo devastingly tiring!! I have a deadline in the office and the project is no joke...its a server-side program...and also I have a defense for two subjects so this week i have undertimes and halfdays at work just to go to school...my time is divided between work and school...waaahhh...
We were suppose to have our defense today and today is also the deadline of my work but since i can't split my body into two just to do both i went halfday at work this morning and to school this afternoon for the defense...and what happend with regards to our defense is somewhat good and bad...i'll deal with the bad first...bad because we moved our defense tomorrow meaning i have to have an undertime again at work waaahhhh....what about my deadline at work?? grrr... and the good things is we still have time to do the documentation and stuffs of the defense...we still have time to polish almost half or everything of the documentation...

I just hope everything will turn out fine in the end..*fingers crossed*... i dont wanna fail coz i wanna graduate and also i dont wanna lose my job...

A Promise Engraved...

2006-03-12T20:24:00.000+08:00

Why do they keep on asking me if i didn't find any work in Olongapo? Don't they want me to work here in manila? It sucks everytime they ask me that, i feel like they don't want me to work anywhere but in olongapo...why, they think I can't make it on my own? they think I can't survuve it alone? I really feel bad coz they see me less compared to others...they don't believe in me...

I promise this to myself that I will be successful and far greater than what they see me...I will let them see that im no frail and weak... :(

This is just the start...thanks for everything.

2006-03-10T20:52:00.000+08:00

I need a simulator for the Fax Pool Server so that I can debug the program thoroughly.... +_+;

I still dont feel good today...as much as I want to cry out loud I can't coz there's no more tears coming out...I don't know why...maybe i'm numb already...I'm trying hard to feel better... I'm not mad nor angry at them...I'm even thankful for what they did to me...Because of the things they inflicted on me they gave me the strength to awaken my true identity... i will let them all see who the real me is...my true self...not the one they knew of...this isn't a revenge or a curse...this is just a realization of what's been there in the realms of my entity...i am the past and present but the future is coming to life...

Within the Realms of Oblivion...

2006-03-08T12:52:00.000+08:00

I don't know why i donf feel happy eventhough the person i'm waiting for texted me...am i really expecting for that message for real or something else? i really don't like this feeling of lost and sadness...Is this all part of God's plan? He's so brilliant. He made that person texted me today and He also made the other person clear things out with me...I feel so hurt about all of the things that has happend today...I can't focus on my work, i keep on thinking about those things, dumbfounded on things... i wish we could live in dreams where all of what we're wishing of come true but no matter how sweet those dreams are, we can't deny the fact that they're just plain dreams, that at the end of these dreams are loneliness for they are not true...dreams are just fascination of our wants and not what the real world is...

i don't know what to do right now...i dont know what to feel...i cant think of any decision...i am strangled by time and space...

The Torn Letter...

2006-03-07T14:35:00.000+08:00

"I'm giving you a deadline tomorrow..if i don't receive any word from you tomorrow, a call or even a text message from you then it means i have to move on and go on with my life... I will not do the move this time hence just wait for your move and react according to it. I don't want to wait forever again. I don't want to put a hold in my life and let opportunities pass by just like what i always do in the past. I'm not being cruel and insensitive, just giving myself a break from martyrdom.

I trusted you but i guess thats not enough to keep the bond between us, we even promised before that we'll be faithful to each other, i guess you couldn't keep the promise. Promises are really meant to be broken... Come what may, i know everything happens for a reason...the uncertainties in life give meaning to our humanity...

I already let my grip off on you so that you can do what you want to do, so that you can decide freely, no holds barred to you...I dont regret you coming into my life... you are God's blessing to me and like what i always say, good or bad, God has something in it for me..."

More in Sorrow than in Anger...

2006-03-06T22:28:00.000+08:00

Have you ever been in a situation wherein you have this feeling that you like this stranger although you haven't met this stranger personally and moreover you just came from a break up? Is it just a rebound thing or the saying: "someday someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else..". I know its too fast to feel love for someone else after a break up but liking someone is possible...

In my life, i've learned that a wound inflicted by love takes time to heal and eventhough it is healed already, there will always be this scar that's left behind that will always remind us of the wound...

Veniam Petimusque Damusque Vicissim...as time goes by our heart tends to grow more in sorrow than in anger...thats the life of love for me...God may give you a sign for that someone you asked for but there's no assurance that you will have a happy ending...God didn't gave you that person because He wanted to hurt you but He wanted you to learn something from that person... God is so magnificent and special coz you'll never thought of these twists in the first place...I didn't expected this when He gave me the one i was asking for, i thought it will be a happy life but to my surprise He made it happend to end that way... im in no position to question His blessings, i consider all of it a blessing coz if not for those blessings i will not be the person i am today... It has been a week or so since it happend, all those days i kept it within me...put up my guard so that no one can see my bleeding heart, but i came to realize that i can't heal it myself alone, i need to unveil it so that someone will be able to see it and help me heal it. Im not hypocrite to say that im not hurting inside anymore...it hurts...a lot...but like a river no matter how rocky the path is, there will always be a calm and serene sea waiting at the end... =_^-

Computer Jargons it is...haha

2006-03-02T22:59:00.000+08:00

I found these three silly computer jargons on the internet:

1. KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid. Rule of thumb for software designers and network administrators - to minimize dispersion and error proneness, keep your designs small.

2. RTFM - Read The Fucking Manual. Common answer to basic and often repeated questions, that could be avoided in the first place just by looking at the manual.

3. STFW - Search The Fucking Web. Common answer to basic and often repeated questions, that could be avoided in the first place just by searching for an answer on the web.

Because i got nothing to do this morning, i just surfed the web and found those jargons. hehehe I never knew that there were such jargons like those for real hahahaha!! its too informal! hahaha!! i wish to hear those lines sometimes.

Ashes to ashes...Dust to dust... Dies Cinerum

2006-03-01T21:51:00.000+08:00

"Open my eyes today, i knew there's something different...". I started my day with 'Hopelessly Addicted' of The Corrs. There are so many things thats been playing in my mind now enough for me to get destabilize and lost. i dont know what's wrong but i feel something that makes me so depress. I feel so strange today. My mind would ask me whats wrong but my heart cant convey the reason. Its so vague...too much in my head, complexity dwells in. Is it because im listening to mushy songs? I dont think other melody will be apt for my mood today, it will only make me dizzy. Do i need to wake up my virtual alter ego again?Do i need to be her again? Im tired of doing it. Im lost for thoughts. I just hope everything will turn out okay this afternoon.

"We are made up of dust and ashes". I went to mass and its ash wednesday, the imposition of ashes on the forehead as a sign of repentance. It also marks the start of the 40 days and 40 nights of Jesus' fasting. Hearing the mass somehow uplifted my unsated mind and soul...The priest's homily made me realize that humans are vulnerable to sins...to pain and sufferings but because of Jesus Christ there has been a cure for it. He sacrificed His life for our sins for us to have the chance to be in eternal happiness. The priest also said that we should ask God for forgiveness and surrender all of ourself including the sorrows and grievances. When all seems to have no cure or endless, just talk to Him and He will answer you back.

So...."Pasaway"

2006-02-28T22:09:00.000+08:00

Another day of sneaking out of the office...hehehehe...me and my two officemates/schoolmates, hurriedly finished our lunch so that we can sneak out while everybody is busy eating...hehehe...we rode a bus back to ayala anf from there we walked our way to salcedo...yeah i know its far hehehe but we didnt get tired while walking coz there were many people walking on the snake walk...After getting out ATM cards we decided to get a cab coz its already past 2pm hehehehe...and planned an aliby in case we'll get caught hehehe...and just like before, a one-by-one strategy was enforced hehehe...i felt sleepy still today but something was assigned to me today...i just hope its not that hard coz if so i'll have trouble doing it...but surely whatever it is,i'll make my way out of it, may not be smoothly but it will be surely...just keeping a positive outlook in life! ^_^

Freakin' Spaghetti on a Sunday Afternoon...

2006-02-27T12:57:00.000+08:00

I'm so sleepy...my head keeps nodding, good thing i ate this mentol candy and i sneezed, somehow it helped me ease the boredom and sleepiness. I got nothing to do anymore coz i'm already done with my modules. I'm just waiting for it to be tested so that I can patch up the bugs in it. I just hope there are only few bugs coz its hard to trace a bug especially in a complicated system like this. Yesterday it was funny coz out of nowhere my friends decided to eat spaghetti and so we chipped in to buy the stuffs needed. Funny coz the amount was of unequal sharing hahaha...i couldn't do anything when they grabbed mywallet in the bed and took money from it. hahaha! And then hours later, when i woke up they were already done cooking and to my surprise the color of the spaghetti was so pale, knowing that they put in all of the noodles in. And yeah the taste...it lacks the basics of a spaghetti...we even called it 'pansit' because the spaghetti turned out to be salty overpowering the sour taste of the tomato sauce or is there any tomato sauce in it? hahahaha!!! In spite of the odd taste, like what they say, 'walang hindi masarap sa taong gutom', we ate half of the spaghetti hahaha! Events like this even though its just small, are the sweetest memories that can be treasured and reminisce in the future. ^_^v

Coup D' Etat!!!

2006-02-24T15:05:00.000+08:00

Today there was a coup attempt according to the news, we still have work though but just a moment ago we were given the go signal to go home if we want to coz earlier this lunch time we were asking if the company will postponed the work hehehe...now that its postponed no ones doing the move...hehehe i really really wanted to go home now coz im going home to olongapo hehehe...but i dont want to be the first one to stand up and leave coz its embarrassing in the sense that im just new here in the company...hehehe... i just wish everything is fine outside the fact that we're in global city, fort bonifacio...hehehe... oh man i just wish i can sneak out without their knowing that i left hehehehe...

It's Just Work!

2006-02-23T17:31:00.000+08:00

I didnt go to the office this morning, half day at work only. I went to meet my groupmates in the design subject. I came here in the office at around 1:30pm, good thing i arrived here the time before they went to equitable bank to apply for an ATM for payroll purposes. At least i did not pay 50 on my own again for a ride in a van to get there unlike what happend to me when i applied for SSS in Makati. Hay...honestly there are lotsa people here in the office whom i dont think that friendly or what...sheezzz...well can't do anything about it, like what they say not all people in your company will become your friend...you just have to play your part and not take them too personally...ITS ONLY WORK!!!

Music Therapy!

2006-02-22T17:20:00.000+08:00

Actually i wasn't that much stressed today here at work coz i already have a sound card installed in my pc and the music that i played, helped me out relax a bit. And aside from the fact that i only got one module left...i just wish the previous modules that i did were all correct or else im doomed hahaha! well i already came up with a solution to the bug that made me crazy yesterday and i just wish what i did was correct hahaha! There are still bugs in that module but i think *fingers crossed* i can handle it.... hahaha! sheezzz i ran out of load.. kainis!! anyway its done for me here...ja! ^_^v

1,000,000 volts, Frying My Brain

2006-02-21T17:30:00.000+08:00

My my my...i didn't think that my last module is this hard....my head is cracking, its really bleeding in pain...i feel so freaking crazy... The previous modules that i did was not like this one...my head is really hurting...i dont think i can think of any code for it today so might just call it a day for work!!! oh man...its so bloody difficult! @_@;; Aside from the fact that my brain is tortured, my eyes as well are soring waahhh!!! this is so stressful!!! good thing im ahead of the scheduled module...I just pray that i can think of a solution for it these coming days... =_=; Well enough of the work today...i need to stop before my brain bursts out coz i can feel its nearing...

Merrily Wasted! ^_*''

2006-02-20T21:39:00.000+08:00

I feel so stressed out and so dirty coz after work, i meet up my classmate at metropoint mall. Our pathetic, nuissance and stupid leader wanted us to go pick up our design project. So we had this long journey on our way to the location of our design project, the way their was creepy coz its already night, good thing there was this cute person in the jeep that we rode onto...ang charisma was superb and nagpapacute pa sya....hehehe grabe i cant explain how kilig i was last night!!! hahaha!!! ang pa-cute nya talaga...how can i forget yung patagong tingin nya saken...ung pagside ng eyeballs nya para lang ndi halata hahahaha! too bad we had to get off the jeep na...and so it was bye bye to 'cute' hehehe. When we got off the jeep, I was so nervous while walking our way to the house coz nakakatakot ung place parang ndi ka makakalabas ng ndi nagri-gripuhan sa waist! hahaha! Thank goodness we came out safe and sound and having that 'kilig' factor hehehehe!!!! And oh i almost forgot, on my way home, there was this person beside me inside the bus headed to ayala. I think cute naman sya although i wasnt able to see the face but maputi sya and nice skin. Nagpapapansin din cya, kasi ubo sya ng ubo and ndi mapalagay dun sa seat nya and tumitingin din sya ng patakas hehehe...and damn mabango sya, amoy baby sya hahahaha!!! yeah i was able to smell 'sya' coz ang lapit nya sakin talaga especially when the bus are turning on the curves...grabe super close hahaha!!! hay what a day it was...nakakapagod pero ok naman hehehe worth the view and the experience!! til then! ^_^v

Shopping...hihihihi

2006-02-18T20:24:00.000+08:00

Today i went shopping hehehe! I bought some clothes for work, polo and long sleeves and also i bought this nice leather belt, its nice because its reversible. The buckle can be twisted so that you can choose either a brown or black leather to use. It's really nice coz the quality of the leather is good. It's a soft leather so the markings that are made to it due to pressure are gone easily... I also found this nice formal pants but i didn't buy it yet coz i have to save some of my salary as well..On my next salary, i'm going to buy the pants and some polo/long sleeves again. I need to invest on clothes coz of work.

Money money money...@_@

2006-02-16T15:44:00.000+08:00

Today is the first day of the second pay period of the month hehehehe....thinking about salary again the fact that we had just encashed our salary yesterday hahahaha!! I'm glad that my colleagues whom i referred to were hired by our company, this is their first day at work. They are lucky as well coz there's already a project given to them. Im sure they can do the job no matter how hard it is for them. With regards to work im still on track, i finish my modules on their deadlines, good thing it wasn't that hard yet. hehehe...

hmmm...im thinking of how will i spend my first salary hehehehe...coz until now i haven't spent it hehehe....im planning to buy some stuffs for myself this weekend...but easy now okay? i got to spend my money wisely...hehehe its time to learn how to budget! hahaha!!

Sneaky Newbies

2006-02-15T12:35:00.000+08:00

We're so 'pasaway' , me and my two officemates. The three of us are newly hired in our company, and with that new employees should give a damn of good impression to the company coz they're just neophytes but exclude us from that notion hahaha. Yesterday, our salary was given to us in a form of a check. And tradition here in the company is that the the new employee will treat the company on his first salary, since we're new, we need to treat them....hahaha but because our salary is in the form of a check, we couldn't treat them at the moment...but today, without their knowledge after we timed in in the office the three of us sneak out and went to the bank in makati to encash our salary...we didn't even say anything to them where we're going...and giving them notice to our whereabouts is a must during office hours...yet still we sneaked out hahahaha! We were gone for more than an hour. hahahaha! Inside the cab on our way back to the office we planned for an acting scene if ever we'll be interrogated for 'missing in action' hahaha!!. I told them that we should get in one by one so that we will not give that much of attention to them and if ever asked to where we went, each of us already had a line to deliver and to enact...hahahaha! mine was, i went down to eat coz i dont feel good, i feel dizzy and decided to stayed there for a while...hahaha! my other officemate would tell that he had breakfast with his colleagues... and lastly my other officemate's plea, the excuse im pretty sure everyone would least think of to tell, he would tell that, "Ma'am/Sir 'nata**e' po kasi ako, may rebolusyon sa tyan ko kaya po umuwi muna ako..." HAHAHAHAHA!!! We're so damn freaky!!! hahaha!!! Well, at least we're thankful that we didn't had to do those cut-scenes hahaha! Thank goodness for they didn't looked for us when we're out, they didn't notice us...hehehe...i gotta get off now...better finish the module, i got a deadline today...ja! ^_^v

Outlandish Heart's Day

2006-02-14T14:03:00.000+08:00

Feb 14, valentine's day...this is my first valentine's day and my first occasion here in office. It feels strange though even if i have someone right now, i still feel so lonely especially right now. I dont know whats with me but my heart is really crushing my consciousness. I can't think nor have the logic that i need to finish my work today. I'm on a tight schedule but I can't make myself focus on it. I am indeed again floating in emptiness where no emotions are present, no feelings, no love, nothing... i need to stay awake just to make myself conscious... i have to be awake...got to fight this for this place, this abyss will swallow me whole. I need to see the light in me...there was this videogame that unfold that what lies beyond the door of kingdom hearts is light and not darkness... I need to open my heart, my heart is the key in letting the light in me out to help me find my way and awaken my slumbering decresent innerself...

"She's All That"

2005-09-30T17:52:00.000+08:00

Since tuesday,today is the fourth time I watched the movie "She's All That". Well I know it sounds odd but I fell inlove with the movie. I don't get bored watching it over and over again.

High school favourite Zach Siler (Freddie Prinze, Jr.) is dumped by his prom queen shoe-in girlfriend Taylor Vaughn (Jodi Lynn O'Keefe) for some slimey TV soap star Brock Hudson (Matthew Lillard). On the rebound he takes a bet from his best friend that he can take up with mousey bespectacled Laney Boggs (Rachel Leigh Cook) and get her voted prom queen instead. Great friend, impossible task. Though once Laney scraps her glasses, does her hair, and gets into decent rags, Zach finds himself taking rather a lot of notice of her.

Miss my Bestfriend..

2005-09-29T21:17:00.000+08:00

Today I wasn't bored that much coz I meet up with my long lost bestfriend Ces. We had a great time talking coz there's a need to catch up on each others life...hehehe...well what's new with her? hmm of course her car, I envy her. It's Nissan Serena. Well we went to SBMA Baywalk. It has been a long time since the last time we talked, I think several months ago was the last.

It was funny coz when we were on the road, I was sort of tensed in my seat that's why I immediately buckled up myself. It is because I got the feeling that she might crash or bump the car to one of the jeepneys in that congested street. Well coz she already bumped the backside of the car to a post before thats why whenever she speeds up I get uptight on my seat...ehehehehe good thing nothing had happend!

There was just little time for us coz I know she's tired from work that's why we already went home after eating.

She dropped me off at home and I hope we could meet again some other time.hmmm.s.. I miss the old days...

Bad Rest Day!

2005-09-28T23:52:00.000+08:00

I'm here in Olongapo, went home here after the devastating enrollment last monday...trying to enjoy what's left of my one week term break. I'm in a computer shop right now for our landline was cut-off...and I'm so damn bored here coz when I'm here Olongapo, I always stay in the house and what keeps me busy is the Internet but since our landline has been cut...I got nothing to be busy of and to relax of... waahhh I'm going nuts here!!!!!

Think think think....

2005-09-26T20:37:00.000+08:00

"There are somethings that are already done and you can't do anything about it but to move on." -Birds of Prey

Most people have the hard time letting go of someone or accepting something, and I am one of those.

Right now I still have some feeling of resentment to things that had happend in the past, may it be physical matters or emotional aspects. It's really hard to get over with something or sometimes with someone especially if you really gave your best into it. It's not good to expect something coz expectations are critical assumptions of the outcome you want to get from a certain instance and when things go wrong, as most of them does, we get disappointed about it.

Honestly all of my angst for the last weeks about my grades came true...it was like an imp from hell granted my fears. I failed the subjects that I am worried of...yeah you read it right, I failed all of those critical subjects. So the result of it was I'm a still graduating student this term but it's on the edge of a cliff wherein one little push of a devil can make me fall. A very crucial state is where I'm into right now...as of the moment I have 15 units in my load for the next term but I took a subject overload of 13 more units making my total units a very suicidal 28 units out of the maximum overload which is 22 units only...yes I'm beyond the maximum allowable overload units...

I haven't enrolled the 13 units overload yet coz the registrar told me that they'll have to adjust first my maximum number of units for this coming term coz it exceeded 22 units so I'll just have to enroll them next week, the first week of the term which is considered as the revision of loads week. I just wish that what they promised me that I could load all of it was true...coz if not i wouldn't be able to graduate this term...

There are so many stages that I have to make thru just to graduate this term and all of them makes my graduation at stake...the first one was allowing me to overload with that number of units wherein it's still uncertain coz I'll only believe that I succeeded the firt stage if I have enrolled the remaining 13 units this term. I'm really praying hard with my fingers crossed about it...

A gray life

2005-05-14T18:28:00.000+08:00

why is it that people has to suffer from this feeling of nothingness? why is it that we tend to have this eventhough we don't want it to?
sometimes it really sucks to feel this way...hmm...i'm glad my day is over...i hope tomorrow will be very much different...
i wish something good will happen tomorrow...i wish something nice will happen that will change my life...i hope and i pray...

What A life

2005-05-13T18:23:00.000+08:00

Nothing special happend...just the same old school day...
Still lucky i guess coz my professor didn't came to class, we're suppose to have an exma...what a relief, i wasn't able to study hehehehe...
i hope to have better ideas today on what to do...

"God and Goddess hear my plea,

Bring to me this day I see.

Hear these words the ones I say,

And let me have a wonderful day.

May it be good and never bad,

May it be a happy day and not a sad.

I ask of you this very hour,

Maketh this true with your divine power.

As the candles burn bright and shine,

Bring upon this day of mine.

God and Goddess hear my plea,

Bring to me this day I see,

So mote it be"

Amidst all my enemies...I will rise...

2005-04-28T18:18:00.001+08:00

Lucifer's Touch...Hex from hell

I call to the mighty bringer of light, Lucifer...

"Spirits of the abyss, here my call

all most powerful one and all

Lucifer my thoughts do sing

through the universe they now ring

Take thine enemy, take him smite

Break him, scorn him in the night

From the mighty depths of hell

cast your darkness on his shell

Oh Lucifer, oh shinning star

Touch him, burn him from afar

Revenge now will have its day

for thine enemy starts to fray"

So be it!