The Day After Tomorrow...

I have finally accepted the fact that sometimes things are not really meant for you no matter how bad you want it. It has sinked into my mind now that Watson Wyatt is not for me. At first its so hard to accept that coz the way i see it, it will be a very good opportunity for me. My career will really blossom in Watson Wyatt. I'm blinded by the short term achievements and pleasures, coz with them i will be able to go to UK, but only for the training.

I realized that God wants me to look what's beyond tomorrow, He's preparing me into something I don't know what it is and it's making me shiver in a way but I know, like always, He has plans. I just have to put my 100% trust on Him. I've felt a tremendous amount of depression and sadness, I've cried for a number of nights already and that's enough i've already suited myself up with pity and grief of how my life has been doing.

My last day here at work is nearing, and i don't know what will happen to me after. I'll just have to put my faith in Him and be amenable to whatever He gives to me. I've already asked Him a lot of questions that you could ever imagine, and He just answered me with two words.....FAITH and TRUST.

Like everybody else here in the Philippines, I am also dreaming, wanting and would definitely do anything just to have the life that i want. I want to give my family the comfort of life in exchange for the hardships and sufferings I have endowed on them while they were raising me to become the upright and brilliant person that i am now. For me, no matter what, thats how i would want to give them the token of thank you.

Just like the way i uttered my promise that i have fulfilled now, I am going to make the same attitude of statement that I will definitely prove that I stay true and intact with my words.

this is it...i've chosen to take the new path...

Yesterday i have finally submitted my resignation letter. I sit down with my supervisor and discussed her with the new career opportunity that i have decided to partake. I made it in a nice toned manner, carefully selected the words that came out of my mind and heart. We both made the conversation lightly and fun eventhough it was a serious matter. I had the hard time explaining my decision because i wanted to tell her everything in a way that it is not awkward and not offensive, no matter how bad i felt in my stay here i still couldn't divulge it bluntly...it really is in my nature to look for the person's feelings. She took the matter in a very unbiased stand. The main reason is that i wanna go back on the development track. First, it was really the job that i love, second, i can't seem to out-weigh the stress im getting in this kind of job with the previous jobs that i had. And lastly, i don't have the urge and motivation anymore to see myself pursuing this career. I didn't even bother getting into the details regarding our relationship as supervisor despite the initiative she did during our talk, maybe because i want us to go on our separate lives still intact with professionalism just like the way we were when i first set my foot here. There were negotiations but i took the risk of declining them. This is something that i have decided and will definitely have no regrets in the end. I am responsible for my actions.

After we talked, she discussed it with our boss and to the senior in our section. I was expecting a 2nd round with her and our boss but it was just our boss who called me up if i have a minute to talk. As always, he is very heart-warming and very assertive person, he had only one question for me, "Is it still revocable?", and like the person i am, very sensitive and conciderate of other's feelings, i answered, "to much of my regret sir but i have already decided to go for the new opportunity." He understood then, explained that its acceptable but would really want me to stay if there's still a chance. He wished me goodluckand hopes that the relationship, the friendship i've established here will never end by leaving the company...for he politely stated that all the persons i've met here specfically our team were real friends, real people. Having it all heard from him made me sad for the people i already made friends with here will surely be miss.

Very few from our team knows it and i'm sure maybe next week or late this week all of my teammates will know of my decision. I am prepared but sad...i dont have any idea of the people i'll meet but im not afraid anymore...this is the circle of life...i already understand now...

Now i can sleep well although the feeling of sadness still lingers...floating into the vast ocean of mixed emotions...

The time of my life...

...thought i couldn't live without 'you'... its gonna hurt when it heals to...it will all get better in time...

This month is really an emotional breakdown for me...all of the lowest moments came at the same time. Once again, i felt the urge of giving up...to surrender again. The damage is really deep when it is aimed emotionally, so devastating and depression really lingers.

Personally, im still coping up with the recent changes in my life. I can say it straight now that i'm alone but not lonely. I've learned to accept what's God's plan for me. I know there's someone along meant for me.

Professionally, i've been so depressed with what's happening to my career right now. I have so many questions, full of why's... (to be continued...)