Ratio of School to Work ~_~;

I went to school today meaning, i didnt go to work...yeah salary deduction again but what can i do? school is also my priority...well the reason why i went to school is that the group needed to be present there to submit the software and documentation to get a schedule for defense... the professor who checked the software we did was very particular with what's usual and normal wherein at the end of the consultation we had to fix some of the functionalities of the the software because he wanted it to be in a way he think of as it should be...sheezzz....another load for me since im the only programmer in the group...i just hope i can do all the changes before the deadline set to me which is a week..

i'm thinking of what to do on my next salary whether to buy a pair of contact lens, modify my ps2 or save it for future use...im still undecide....and i'm thinking very deep coz i know now how important money is...when you're the one earning it...when you're the one working for it, you'll know the worth of every cent you spend...

Creepy House... ^_^

I wasn't able to check the room/unit last night so i asked my officemate who knows the place to accompany me... we went earlier this day...i was disappointed with what i saw...it was not in good condition as to its price...sheezzz...its so creepy... i need to look for another one again... i want to move in to a place near the office after holy week...waahhh is it really this hard to find a nice place nowadays? *omg*

Well about last night a friend of ours from baguio went to the house, he asked us to go out and have some coffee or so at starbucks. We went at around 11pm coz our other friends couldn't decide yet...we did the usual...jokes, fooling around, teasing and picture picture...i wasn't in the right condition to go there coz im tired from work and i couldn't take the noise pollution there, different sounds/musics/remix were coming from the bars near starbucks...it was really a pain in the head last night...irritating to be exact... the different sounds mixed into each other in a way that is so very unpleasant to the ears...it was really a noise...

i was so tired and sleepy when we came home at around 2am...

Deployment Day!!! *yippeee*

At last we finished the software, it was finaly sent today to our client in thailand...while waiting for their reports and findings i''ve been asked to test the server application that i did...*omg am i really goin to handle most of the server apps now?*

I had fun last night coz it was my friend's grad celebration...it was great..lots of funny moments and spoofs...teasing and teasing...jokes and stuffs...hahaha!!! i was even bloated, pasta galore!!! and of course 'picture-picture' hahaha!!!

Im going to check the room/unit near our office coz i'm looking for a place near the office...coz i take 4 rides on my way to office and 3 rides on my way home... On my way to office, from UST i take an FX to LRT central station then ride the LRT and get off at the EDSA station and from EDSA station i take the MRT and get off at MRT ayala station and finally from there i take my last ride, The Fort Bus and at last im at work...harrassed and stressed out early in the morning... and after work, from office, i ride the Fort Bus and then again MRT at ayala station but this time i'm bound north to Cubao station, and from cubao i take an FX to UST and there at last im home...tired and sleepy..thats my daily routine...>#_#<

Bugs...i see bugs everywhere >@_@<

Yesterday was really really traumatic...there were so many bugs to fix... the moment you send the modified program another bug will from another module will be sent to you...it was like never ending... i almost broke out, i wanted to scream to my content...i almost cried out hahahaha...teary eyed to be exact due to stress... it was really a devastating day...

I was early today coz my parents came here in manila and they dropped me off to work...i'm going home later to olongapo coz i need to renew my passport for future purposes *wink*...i was asked to finish my work today if i will not go to office tomorrow and i did my best to finish it but i couldn't...i guess thats all i could exert today...i will not go to work still coz i want to give my mind a break...i wanna take a rest. This week was exhausting and life-draining...

Hand Dryer :D

I woke up at around 6:30 and I took a bath coz i don't wanna look haggard and my hair is so oily due to stress...Funny coz i couldnt think of anything else of the hand dryer to dry my hair... hehehe and so i used it to dry my hair..^_^v of course i still wanna look ok even if i didnt have enough sleep..hehehe... i just hope everything will be okay today....

Overtime...overnight...

It's already past 12midnight and I'm still here in the office coz we're rushing things up coz we have a deadline on wednesday. We're having an overnight here coz we still have lots of bugs to fix...I'm a bit sleepy now though...i just wish i can withstand this sleepy mood...okay back to work now...got lots of modules with bugs...

Its almost 4a.m. now and we're so so wasted...we even went down to buy some food just to make ourselves awake...Outside the building there were those call centre peeps...they look normal, i mean in terms of working time, they already adapted on working graveyard...We were the only office open on the 3rd floor, the call centre is on the ground floor. Afterwards our project manager told us that we can rest coz she noticed that we don't look okay anymore and she's also sleepy already...

Thanks Grace and Louise!

Yesterday i'm glad that somehow i was able to lock in the feeling of sober and depression... my two bestfriends and I went out late in the afternoon...we went to st. francis square. I bought so dvd games for my ps2...'magnacarta: tears of blood' and 'resident evil 4', two of my fave. games...my eyes were gleaming to the dvd games that i saw...i was like a child then very fond of video games...i couldn't take my eyes from them...hehehe...good thing my two best buds were there, they dragged me out of the mall hehehehehe...

Next stop, we went to Greenhills. My kikay best friend wanted to go there coz she wanted to go shopping and also she has some evil plans as well...hehehe.... yeah there were lotsa peeps there...we went from one stall to another...we were there until closing time...we all had soring feet and very hungry after shopping...i only bought a billabong shirt coz they stopped me from shopping coz i have to treat them dinner hehehe...foolish friends hehehe...we then went to promenade to find a resto...we wanted to eat at tender bobs but it was so congested...we even thought of eating at a persian resto there, we even joked around that upon leaving that resto we will be dancing like persians in genie costumes hahahah.... in the end we were left no choice but to dine at mexicali...funny and disappointed coz almost all of the food we ordered were not available anymore...and so we end up having some grilled beef quesadillas and steak enchiladas with rice and salad for dinner...good thing the food was great...we were so full...all we did while eating was take pictures of us...and of course...rating the peeps passing by the resto hahahahaha!!! After engorging the food i asked them if they wanted to have some frap or coffee...and of course do you expect them to refuse? hahaha! and so we went to starbucks, we had white mocha frap, espresso frap, and green tea frap... and again we our routine...picture taking and rating peeps hahaha!! we talked about lots of stuffs, serious and not, jack-ass and stupidity, our cries and pleas...hehehehe... i really miss them...they are my real friends...the ones whom i will cherish and treasure forever...my reason to live up to the best and my reason to hope for...they are my strength...the epitomy of 'true friends'... ^_^

Emotional Distress

I'm here at the office, we were asked to have an overtime today. Honestly, i dont feel happy with my work anymore, maybe its because im undergoing an emotional swing lately...its just that i grew weary of everything...all i wanna do is have fun and not think of anything serious...i just wanna get out of this limbo. School and work crushes my sense of stability...

It's already 8pm and we're still here...I'm done with the server program and the bug fixing that was given to me later this afternoon...i still feel down and low...i can't be happy...i can't feel fulfillment...i just wish this will be over soon...

Another Down fall... :"(

Last night was really really devastating but today is more...I almost cried when my friends here in the office pat me...I still can't accept the fact that the three months of design went to nothing...we wasted money...and the worst we wasted time...I haven't told my parents yet about what happend last night coz i know they will look at me lesser than before now that this had happend...i kept on thinking what did i do this time that made God test my faith and hope again...i haven't recovered yet from the last heartbreak and now here it is again...a new one was given to me...another test...i haven't cried yet since last night and i dont know for how long can i keep it and show them that its nothing...that i'm okay...i look calm and at ease outside but deep within me a soar of emotions is erupting...

I'm so point blank right now...i dont know what to do anymore...the feeling of lost is eating me up...its making me unstable...its killing the only thing i have in life to keep me balance and stable...my innerself...my light...my fire...im so cold inside...im getting wear and frail again...

Toxicity...

This week is soooooo devastingly tiring!! I have a deadline in the office and the project is no joke...its a server-side program...and also I have a defense for two subjects so this week i have undertimes and halfdays at work just to go to school...my time is divided between work and school...waaahhh...
We were suppose to have our defense today and today is also the deadline of my work but since i can't split my body into two just to do both i went halfday at work this morning and to school this afternoon for the defense...and what happend with regards to our defense is somewhat good and bad...i'll deal with the bad first...bad because we moved our defense tomorrow meaning i have to have an undertime again at work waaahhhh....what about my deadline at work?? grrr... and the good things is we still have time to do the documentation and stuffs of the defense...we still have time to polish almost half or everything of the documentation...

I just hope everything will turn out fine in the end..*fingers crossed*... i dont wanna fail coz i wanna graduate and also i dont wanna lose my job...

A Promise Engraved...

Why do they keep on asking me if i didn't find any work in Olongapo? Don't they want me to work here in manila? It sucks everytime they ask me that, i feel like they don't want me to work anywhere but in olongapo...why, they think I can't make it on my own? they think I can't survuve it alone? I really feel bad coz they see me less compared to others...they don't believe in me...

I promise this to myself that I will be successful and far greater than what they see me...I will let them see that im no frail and weak... :(

This is just the start...thanks for everything.

I need a simulator for the Fax Pool Server so that I can debug the program thoroughly.... +_+;

I still dont feel good today...as much as I want to cry out loud I can't coz there's no more tears coming out...I don't know why...maybe i'm numb already...I'm trying hard to feel better... I'm not mad nor angry at them...I'm even thankful for what they did to me...Because of the things they inflicted on me they gave me the strength to awaken my true identity... i will let them all see who the real me is...my true self...not the one they knew of...this isn't a revenge or a curse...this is just a realization of what's been there in the realms of my entity...i am the past and present but the future is coming to life...

Within the Realms of Oblivion...

I don't know why i donf feel happy eventhough the person i'm waiting for texted me...am i really expecting for that message for real or something else? i really don't like this feeling of lost and sadness...Is this all part of God's plan? He's so brilliant. He made that person texted me today and He also made the other person clear things out with me...I feel so hurt about all of the things that has happend today...I can't focus on my work, i keep on thinking about those things, dumbfounded on things... i wish we could live in dreams where all of what we're wishing of come true but no matter how sweet those dreams are, we can't deny the fact that they're just plain dreams, that at the end of these dreams are loneliness for they are not true...dreams are just fascination of our wants and not what the real world is...

i don't know what to do right now...i dont know what to feel...i cant think of any decision...i am strangled by time and space...

The Torn Letter...

"I'm giving you a deadline tomorrow..if i don't receive any word from you tomorrow, a call or even a text message from you then it means i have to move on and go on with my life... I will not do the move this time hence just wait for your move and react according to it. I don't want to wait forever again. I don't want to put a hold in my life and let opportunities pass by just like what i always do in the past. I'm not being cruel and insensitive, just giving myself a break from martyrdom.

I trusted you but i guess thats not enough to keep the bond between us, we even promised before that we'll be faithful to each other, i guess you couldn't keep the promise. Promises are really meant to be broken... Come what may, i know everything happens for a reason...the uncertainties in life give meaning to our humanity...

I already let my grip off on you so that you can do what you want to do, so that you can decide freely, no holds barred to you...I dont regret you coming into my life... you are God's blessing to me and like what i always say, good or bad, God has something in it for me..."

More in Sorrow than in Anger...

Have you ever been in a situation wherein you have this feeling that you like this stranger although you haven't met this stranger personally and moreover you just came from a break up? Is it just a rebound thing or the saying: "someday someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else..". I know its too fast to feel love for someone else after a break up but liking someone is possible...

In my life, i've learned that a wound inflicted by love takes time to heal and eventhough it is healed already, there will always be this scar that's left behind that will always remind us of the wound...

Veniam Petimusque Damusque Vicissim...as time goes by our heart tends to grow more in sorrow than in anger...thats the life of love for me...God may give you a sign for that someone you asked for but there's no assurance that you will have a happy ending...God didn't gave you that person because He wanted to hurt you but He wanted you to learn something from that person... God is so magnificent and special coz you'll never thought of these twists in the first place...I didn't expected this when He gave me the one i was asking for, i thought it will be a happy life but to my surprise He made it happend to end that way... im in no position to question His blessings, i consider all of it a blessing coz if not for those blessings i will not be the person i am today... It has been a week or so since it happend, all those days i kept it within me...put up my guard so that no one can see my bleeding heart, but i came to realize that i can't heal it myself alone, i need to unveil it so that someone will be able to see it and help me heal it. Im not hypocrite to say that im not hurting inside anymore...it hurts...a lot...but like a river no matter how rocky the path is, there will always be a calm and serene sea waiting at the end... =_^-

Computer Jargons it is...haha

I found these three silly computer jargons on the internet:

1. KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid. Rule of thumb for software designers and network administrators - to minimize dispersion and error proneness, keep your designs small.

2. RTFM - Read The Fucking Manual. Common answer to basic and often repeated questions, that could be avoided in the first place just by looking at the manual.

3. STFW - Search The Fucking Web. Common answer to basic and often repeated questions, that could be avoided in the first place just by searching for an answer on the web.

Because i got nothing to do this morning, i just surfed the web and found those jargons. hehehe I never knew that there were such jargons like those for real hahahaha!! its too informal! hahaha!! i wish to hear those lines sometimes.

Ashes to ashes...Dust to dust... Dies Cinerum

"Open my eyes today, i knew there's something different...". I started my day with 'Hopelessly Addicted' of The Corrs. There are so many things thats been playing in my mind now enough for me to get destabilize and lost. i dont know what's wrong but i feel something that makes me so depress. I feel so strange today. My mind would ask me whats wrong but my heart cant convey the reason. Its so vague...too much in my head, complexity dwells in. Is it because im listening to mushy songs? I dont think other melody will be apt for my mood today, it will only make me dizzy. Do i need to wake up my virtual alter ego again?Do i need to be her again? Im tired of doing it. Im lost for thoughts. I just hope everything will turn out okay this afternoon.

"We are made up of dust and ashes". I went to mass and its ash wednesday, the imposition of ashes on the forehead as a sign of repentance. It also marks the start of the 40 days and 40 nights of Jesus' fasting. Hearing the mass somehow uplifted my unsated mind and soul...The priest's homily made me realize that humans are vulnerable to sins...to pain and sufferings but because of Jesus Christ there has been a cure for it. He sacrificed His life for our sins for us to have the chance to be in eternal happiness. The priest also said that we should ask God for forgiveness and surrender all of ourself including the sorrows and grievances. When all seems to have no cure or endless, just talk to Him and He will answer you back.