What can i do without you My Jap-ed?

Last night i was able to talk to my jap-ed. I'm so happy coz talking to my jap-ed person made me feel better, like it has given me the will and strength again to survive this sadness that i feel. I told my jap-ed jap-ed that i can't make it this saturday coz our schedule was moved til next week. I'm still sad though coz i can't go with my jap-ed jap-ed this sunday to an event or such...told me also that jap-ed jap-ed will not stay long in manila coz jap-ed jap-ed said i'm not there so there's no reason to stay long there....that made my heart stomp a beat. I really really miss my jap-ed jap-ed so much...hmm...i just hope and pray we can really go home next week that it will not be rescheduled again...

Homesick..missing a lot.

Despite the fact that we went to the mall last night and the possibility that i'll buy an O2 Xda Mini but not for me...my mom said its for her, i still lonely...in fact i got so down again last night when silence starts to succumb my room...my heart was like being pierced, then i remember my jap-ed jap-ed and my family and then everything went so sad again...

I can't put in words what i felt last night...i just don't know anymore...all i did was pray to Him that He makes me strong and intact with my inner sense. Guide me as i go thru this...and lastly i asked Him to give us a strong foundation of trust and love coz i'm starting to rattle here...i don't care of the money that i have, i just wanna go home... :"(

Sucked up by loneliness.

Last night i felt the gruesome feeling of loneliness again. Until now it's still crawling in my emotional stream. I don't wanna cry again tonight. I wanna go home...there's too many reasons that makes me like this...homesick is killing me... too many things going thru my mind. i can't control it anymore...i miss a lot of people...i miss my family... i miss the philippines... i miss my 'jap-ed person' ... i feel so terrible... i miss my jap-ed jap-ed person...

Exit to Cambodia: what a wreck!

Yesterday we're so exhausted and dog-tired. We went to Cambodia just to have our visa renewed, so that we can stay here in Thailand for a month again. The trip to Cambodia was not nice because we left here 5a.m. and arrived there at around 9a.m. The place looks like a remote area, its like civilization hasn't reached the place...with what i saw i can say that the country has unstable economy. The place looks scary coz its dusty. Beggars and street vendors are everywher. The place has this unpleasant odor. Despite of the dreadful stuffs, there were also some good places like the casino-hotels and the duty free shops. After going back to thailand, we first head off to Holiday Palace, its a casino-hotel in Cambodia. We had our breakfast there and it was splendid coz there were lots of food served in buffet style so i got myself on festive wahehehehe... after eating to my desire we went for a walk around the hotel and look at the slots machine and etc...

After we got our visa's, we returned back to thailand, On our way back, there was a check point somewhere along the road and we were asked to pull over at the side. The driver said something about Philippines and passport, we couldn't understand them coz they were talking in thai and the driver can't speak english. Then the policeman asked us to show our passport. At first we were hesistant to give them, Ms Bing asked why he wanted to see our passport and he said "check", maybe he just wanted to check if what the driver has said was true. Maybe the driver told that we came from Philippines and just renewed our visa's. After checking our passports, we're back on the road. We arrived in the hotel at around 3pm .

Thanks to my Jap-ed!

My graduation was over and i didn't even get the chance to smell the scent of victory over college life...
I'm thankful for that special person who made me realize that i shouldn't feel bad about what happend...'person' comforted me, despite the fact that we're away from each other. 'person' showed me the things that i should be happy about, showed me how lucky i am and how my co-graduates will surely envy me because of whats happening to my life right now... 'person' appreciated everything that i do, notices it and gives recognitions to it.

I'm happy that God made our paths cross, I just pray that God will bless our relationship...I may not know what God's plan in the future but whatever it is I'm sure He's just teaching me and i can get over it. Im such a hard-headed person that's why He makes me learn that way hehehe...thanks so much my God.

Thanks my jap-ed 'person' for coming into my life...you are my very first thought in the morning and my last at nightfall...love always!

My Graduation Day :"(

Today is my graduation day. I really feel so sad the fact that i am not there, a very special occassion in my life... I don't feel good today... grrr.... if it isn't for this damn work i could have been there... waaahhhh!!!! i wanna scream!!!

i 'WAS' part of that plan

I felt sad again coz i got this email from my officemate who's also my co-graduate this coming may 11 and she told me about the activities of the graduation ceremony...i can be there if I didn't go here. Whoever thinks that its more fun to be here than to be in your graduation is a total a*****e!! Graduation day makes you realize that you've succeeded all the obstacles and tests in becoming a person ready to face the real world...its the realization, the fulfillment of one's self... now i will never be able to experience that feeling because of this damn work!!!! It's like i havent graduated yet coz i will not be declared coz i'm not there....and it really pisses me off...i'm really really mad about it...i wanna yell at them, to my seniors and boss for not letting me go to the graduation...its just 1 day...damn them!!!! There will come a time where i can have my revenge...i am sure of it and i will make sure that it will come...

Baht and Broke

We're on a tight budget today coz this is the last day of our allowance that was given to us. We just hope that they will send us another allowance within next week or else we're doomed...

i wanna buy new cell phone yet i can't coz i dont have enough money. I want the O2 Atom or Mini...but if i can't make it til the last day here i'll just buy the new Samsung D820 or the moto slvr L7... huhuhuhuh...

I miss a lot of people...my family, my friends and of course my special one...but i need to have this sacrifice if i want to buy them the stuffs that they want...i really want to buy them those... i just wish they are here with me coz pretty sure they will like clothes here especially my two sisters... ^_^v

At last its rest day tomorrow...well we will not go out tomorrow coz we're low on baht...hehehe...so we will just stay in the hotel...perhaps have a swim or go to the gym...

what? what?? what???

I'm really bored here.. we don't go anywhere else aside from the malls...sheezzzz...i didn't even get the chance to visit the tourist's spots and get a pic of it so that i can show my family and friends there in the philippines. waaahhhh!!!!! it sucks!!!!!

I'm really on a tight budget coz i dont know what mobile phone to buy, my choices are Samsung D820, O2 Atom, O2 mini and Moto L7....I also want to go shopping and buy myself some clothes...i also need to buy 'pasalubongs' to my friends...sheezzzz....really on a tight budget grrr.........

Raging Flames of Boredom

I'm starting to get annoyed to my senior here...you know why? because she insists that she told me to back up the codes before modifying them which she didn't tell me at all yesterday and now she's saying that she did...i'm so pissed off coz of stress as well...one more thing i dont like about her is after office we dont go directly to the hotel instead she drags us on strolling even after buying our lunch...hello? we went out of office late, she strolls so we stroll as well and then we have to wake up early the next day??? sheezzz... thats a total sicko! grrr!!!!!!!

Another day here in the office....hay... nothing's special here...i dont feel happy nor excited everytime i wake up...

Last night we went home around 11:45pm...we have to finish the work so that we can give it to the QA here for their testing...despite of the time we went out last night, we still came here in the office 9:00 in the morning...coz thats how it should be according to the company...sheeezzz.... its really really tiring...i feel so sleepy right now...we're still doing some testing today and i can't keep my eyes from shutting and my head from banging down....

well i was just wondering why do they have odd names...i mean the thai people have weird names. Here in the office, they have names that sound very weird and sometimes funny... names like Kwang, Koy, Tan, Worn, Pong...and many more that i forgot already coz its hard to remember too... i mean if you were brought up western culture, who would want to name his or her children names like that??? no offense meant but its really really funny...but despite of their 'not good' names some of them look good/nice like Ms. Kwang and Mr. Worn...

Another thing i noticed is that the people here look like from other nations/countries...some of them look like filipinos, chinese, japanese, arab, korean, and there are a lot of people here from the western and northern countries as well like US, I think they working here...

I don't know whether its good or bad that we don't understand each others languages...we dont understand thai language and they dont understand tagalog...we can talk about them even in tagalog even if they are around coz they don't know what we're saying...and same as them also, we don't know if they're talking about us when they speak thai...sometimes you could feel that you're the topic of the talk coz of their facial expressions.hmm...so annoying...

To offset sadness virtually.

i bought a Nintendo DS the other day to offset my loneliness...i bought the game Nintendogs(dashund and friends)...its a very nice game for dog lovers coz you can actually take care of your virtual dog, play with them, dress them up and even teach them tricks...

There are so many huge malls and designer boutiques here...a lot of expensive stuffs especially the branded ones but there are also the affordable ones...hehehe i havent shopped yet...the only thing i have bought for now is my Nintendo DS...i'll just buy clothes and stuffs for myself next time that we go out and when i have money again hehehehe...and of course how would i forget the 'pasalubongs' for my family and friends there in the philippines...it really is hard to be afar from your family and homeland as well...i miss the philippines...i miss the food...i miss the people...i miss hearing the tagalog language...and lastly i miss my loved ones coz right i seldom talk to them, actually since i got here i only talked to them once thru a landline here in the hotel that is too expensive...i havent bought a mobile phone, my old phone got broken the day before my flight here... :( i just wish i could find an affordable, nice mobile phone here... sheezzz... i need to be thrifty.... i dont like the food here too... :( and the smell of the environment!!!! so yuck!!! waaaahhhhh!!!! :"(

Sawasdee Krup Thailand

I'm already here in thailand, in the office to be exact...yeah i know its saturday but we still have to be here in the office to start the project so that we can go back there to the philippines as soon as possible.

Ms. Bing(my senior) was really scheduled for a flight the other day, april 20 and i was a chance passenger then coz my schedule is really yesterday. They want me to be a chance passenger so that ms. bing has a companion.. we weren't able to catch the flight coz we came in late...hehehehe... well we didn't do it intentionally...and because of that ms. bing rebooked her flight on the same time as mine...we didn't want to leave the country for our own reasons...her reason is because she just came in from a maternity leave and her baby is just 2 months old only. my reason is if i were to come here in thailand i will not be able to attend the graduation ceremony on may 11 coz this project will last for about 3 months or so... the only thing i wanted before is to graduate and attend the ceremony, after what i've been through with my subjects i wouldn't be able to attend the graduation because i'm here...my officemates already told me that the chances are to slim that the company will let me go back there for graduation... its so sad... :(

We arrived at Bangkok international airport at exactly 5:45pm yesterday. After chiecking out we went to straight to our hotel to drop off our baggages and then headed to office to let them know that we're already here...it was already past 9:00pm when we left the office. We went to robinsons mall to have dinner and bought some foods to stock up our hotel rooms hehehe...

My insights upon arriving here and seeing thailand for the first time...Thailand is just like the Philippines, traffic worse here than in the philippines i think, narrow streets, lots of street foods, 'tiangge' everywhere, not so clean streets, congested houses, train, and the people...they also look like filipinos...its even hard to distinguish especially when they are not talking...

Mixed Emotions.. ~_o;;

Yesterday was the judgement day for me whether i'll graduate this may 11 or not...and...i will!!!!!!! hehehehe!!!! at last our defense days are over...i'm so happy... i don't know how to carry out what i'm feeling but its really joy to me... there were only few to whom i told it...i just want to cherish it to myself for now...

I don't know whether its a good news or a bad news to me coz today my senior told me that we might be leaving for thailand tomorrow...and i don't like to fly there tomorrow coz its so unplanned...of course it will be my first time to leave the country and i want it to go smoothly as possible coz i'll be leaving my homeland and being there is like a total independent...grrr...i really dont like unplanned stuffs coz its so annoying...grrr....!!!!!!!!

i really feel bad about the stuff leaving tomorrow... :(

Holy Week Vacation, Love and Fun Blast!

Its been almost a month since the last time i get to write here...hehehe...well what happend for those past weeks? hmm...i already bought a pair of contact lens which is peppermint colored, i tried the ultramarine but its so vulgar and bold...i dont think i can carry that color for now hehehe maybe in the near future...well since my eyes got this green color more people are staring at me...hehehe...its kinda uneasy of course...

I took an exam in Accenture coz someone from GROW, Inc called me and told me that Accenture invited me to take the exam for the position Jr. Software Engr. Im wondering how did Accenture got my application the fact that i applied for that position in GROW, Inc. Did Grow, Inc referred me to Accenture? It made me even wonder more when i read the terms and conditions written in the PDS of Accenture that the undersigned (applicant) shouldn't be affiliated in any of the companys on the list and one of which was GROW, Inc.... o_O?? how's that?? after i finished my exam and submitted my PDS the proctor told me to wait in the lobby for someone will approach me...i asked why coz i wanted to go home then but she just repeated that i wait outside...the reason why is because im already in lined for the interview... we were 30 who took the exam and 5 of us were only asked to stay for the interview...sheezzzz...it was such a long day for me...

Holy week was over and i spent it in olongapo...ps2 galore!! all i did was play PS2 with my nieces...i didn't go to the beach...i didn't even went out coz its dead hot outside...the vacation was short and i long for it still...i met someone this past holy week and i hope its the 'someone' that i'm waiting for... *kilig* hehehehe... i need to do some diet again hehehe... la lang...i gained some weight this holy week coz i've been a total couch potato...eat,ps2,eat,ps2,eat,ps2,sleep,ps2,...hehehe...

Ratio of School to Work ~_~;

I went to school today meaning, i didnt go to work...yeah salary deduction again but what can i do? school is also my priority...well the reason why i went to school is that the group needed to be present there to submit the software and documentation to get a schedule for defense... the professor who checked the software we did was very particular with what's usual and normal wherein at the end of the consultation we had to fix some of the functionalities of the the software because he wanted it to be in a way he think of as it should be...sheezzz....another load for me since im the only programmer in the group...i just hope i can do all the changes before the deadline set to me which is a week..

i'm thinking of what to do on my next salary whether to buy a pair of contact lens, modify my ps2 or save it for future use...im still undecide....and i'm thinking very deep coz i know now how important money is...when you're the one earning it...when you're the one working for it, you'll know the worth of every cent you spend...

Creepy House... ^_^

I wasn't able to check the room/unit last night so i asked my officemate who knows the place to accompany me... we went earlier this day...i was disappointed with what i saw...it was not in good condition as to its price...sheezzz...its so creepy... i need to look for another one again... i want to move in to a place near the office after holy week...waahhh is it really this hard to find a nice place nowadays? *omg*

Well about last night a friend of ours from baguio went to the house, he asked us to go out and have some coffee or so at starbucks. We went at around 11pm coz our other friends couldn't decide yet...we did the usual...jokes, fooling around, teasing and picture picture...i wasn't in the right condition to go there coz im tired from work and i couldn't take the noise pollution there, different sounds/musics/remix were coming from the bars near starbucks...it was really a pain in the head last night...irritating to be exact... the different sounds mixed into each other in a way that is so very unpleasant to the ears...it was really a noise...

i was so tired and sleepy when we came home at around 2am...

Deployment Day!!! *yippeee*

At last we finished the software, it was finaly sent today to our client in thailand...while waiting for their reports and findings i''ve been asked to test the server application that i did...*omg am i really goin to handle most of the server apps now?*

I had fun last night coz it was my friend's grad celebration...it was great..lots of funny moments and spoofs...teasing and teasing...jokes and stuffs...hahaha!!! i was even bloated, pasta galore!!! and of course 'picture-picture' hahaha!!!

Im going to check the room/unit near our office coz i'm looking for a place near the office...coz i take 4 rides on my way to office and 3 rides on my way home... On my way to office, from UST i take an FX to LRT central station then ride the LRT and get off at the EDSA station and from EDSA station i take the MRT and get off at MRT ayala station and finally from there i take my last ride, The Fort Bus and at last im at work...harrassed and stressed out early in the morning... and after work, from office, i ride the Fort Bus and then again MRT at ayala station but this time i'm bound north to Cubao station, and from cubao i take an FX to UST and there at last im home...tired and sleepy..thats my daily routine...>#_#<

Bugs...i see bugs everywhere >@_@<

Yesterday was really really traumatic...there were so many bugs to fix... the moment you send the modified program another bug will from another module will be sent to you...it was like never ending... i almost broke out, i wanted to scream to my content...i almost cried out hahahaha...teary eyed to be exact due to stress... it was really a devastating day...

I was early today coz my parents came here in manila and they dropped me off to work...i'm going home later to olongapo coz i need to renew my passport for future purposes *wink*...i was asked to finish my work today if i will not go to office tomorrow and i did my best to finish it but i couldn't...i guess thats all i could exert today...i will not go to work still coz i want to give my mind a break...i wanna take a rest. This week was exhausting and life-draining...

Hand Dryer :D

I woke up at around 6:30 and I took a bath coz i don't wanna look haggard and my hair is so oily due to stress...Funny coz i couldnt think of anything else of the hand dryer to dry my hair... hehehe and so i used it to dry my hair..^_^v of course i still wanna look ok even if i didnt have enough sleep..hehehe... i just hope everything will be okay today....

Overtime...overnight...

It's already past 12midnight and I'm still here in the office coz we're rushing things up coz we have a deadline on wednesday. We're having an overnight here coz we still have lots of bugs to fix...I'm a bit sleepy now though...i just wish i can withstand this sleepy mood...okay back to work now...got lots of modules with bugs...

Its almost 4a.m. now and we're so so wasted...we even went down to buy some food just to make ourselves awake...Outside the building there were those call centre peeps...they look normal, i mean in terms of working time, they already adapted on working graveyard...We were the only office open on the 3rd floor, the call centre is on the ground floor. Afterwards our project manager told us that we can rest coz she noticed that we don't look okay anymore and she's also sleepy already...

Thanks Grace and Louise!

Yesterday i'm glad that somehow i was able to lock in the feeling of sober and depression... my two bestfriends and I went out late in the afternoon...we went to st. francis square. I bought so dvd games for my ps2...'magnacarta: tears of blood' and 'resident evil 4', two of my fave. games...my eyes were gleaming to the dvd games that i saw...i was like a child then very fond of video games...i couldn't take my eyes from them...hehehe...good thing my two best buds were there, they dragged me out of the mall hehehehehe...

Next stop, we went to Greenhills. My kikay best friend wanted to go there coz she wanted to go shopping and also she has some evil plans as well...hehehe.... yeah there were lotsa peeps there...we went from one stall to another...we were there until closing time...we all had soring feet and very hungry after shopping...i only bought a billabong shirt coz they stopped me from shopping coz i have to treat them dinner hehehe...foolish friends hehehe...we then went to promenade to find a resto...we wanted to eat at tender bobs but it was so congested...we even thought of eating at a persian resto there, we even joked around that upon leaving that resto we will be dancing like persians in genie costumes hahahah.... in the end we were left no choice but to dine at mexicali...funny and disappointed coz almost all of the food we ordered were not available anymore...and so we end up having some grilled beef quesadillas and steak enchiladas with rice and salad for dinner...good thing the food was great...we were so full...all we did while eating was take pictures of us...and of course...rating the peeps passing by the resto hahahahaha!!! After engorging the food i asked them if they wanted to have some frap or coffee...and of course do you expect them to refuse? hahaha! and so we went to starbucks, we had white mocha frap, espresso frap, and green tea frap... and again we our routine...picture taking and rating peeps hahaha!! we talked about lots of stuffs, serious and not, jack-ass and stupidity, our cries and pleas...hehehehe... i really miss them...they are my real friends...the ones whom i will cherish and treasure forever...my reason to live up to the best and my reason to hope for...they are my strength...the epitomy of 'true friends'... ^_^

Emotional Distress

I'm here at the office, we were asked to have an overtime today. Honestly, i dont feel happy with my work anymore, maybe its because im undergoing an emotional swing lately...its just that i grew weary of everything...all i wanna do is have fun and not think of anything serious...i just wanna get out of this limbo. School and work crushes my sense of stability...

It's already 8pm and we're still here...I'm done with the server program and the bug fixing that was given to me later this afternoon...i still feel down and low...i can't be happy...i can't feel fulfillment...i just wish this will be over soon...

Another Down fall... :"(

Last night was really really devastating but today is more...I almost cried when my friends here in the office pat me...I still can't accept the fact that the three months of design went to nothing...we wasted money...and the worst we wasted time...I haven't told my parents yet about what happend last night coz i know they will look at me lesser than before now that this had happend...i kept on thinking what did i do this time that made God test my faith and hope again...i haven't recovered yet from the last heartbreak and now here it is again...a new one was given to me...another test...i haven't cried yet since last night and i dont know for how long can i keep it and show them that its nothing...that i'm okay...i look calm and at ease outside but deep within me a soar of emotions is erupting...

I'm so point blank right now...i dont know what to do anymore...the feeling of lost is eating me up...its making me unstable...its killing the only thing i have in life to keep me balance and stable...my innerself...my light...my fire...im so cold inside...im getting wear and frail again...

Toxicity...

This week is soooooo devastingly tiring!! I have a deadline in the office and the project is no joke...its a server-side program...and also I have a defense for two subjects so this week i have undertimes and halfdays at work just to go to school...my time is divided between work and school...waaahhh...
We were suppose to have our defense today and today is also the deadline of my work but since i can't split my body into two just to do both i went halfday at work this morning and to school this afternoon for the defense...and what happend with regards to our defense is somewhat good and bad...i'll deal with the bad first...bad because we moved our defense tomorrow meaning i have to have an undertime again at work waaahhhh....what about my deadline at work?? grrr... and the good things is we still have time to do the documentation and stuffs of the defense...we still have time to polish almost half or everything of the documentation...

I just hope everything will turn out fine in the end..*fingers crossed*... i dont wanna fail coz i wanna graduate and also i dont wanna lose my job...

A Promise Engraved...

Why do they keep on asking me if i didn't find any work in Olongapo? Don't they want me to work here in manila? It sucks everytime they ask me that, i feel like they don't want me to work anywhere but in olongapo...why, they think I can't make it on my own? they think I can't survuve it alone? I really feel bad coz they see me less compared to others...they don't believe in me...

I promise this to myself that I will be successful and far greater than what they see me...I will let them see that im no frail and weak... :(

This is just the start...thanks for everything.

I need a simulator for the Fax Pool Server so that I can debug the program thoroughly.... +_+;

I still dont feel good today...as much as I want to cry out loud I can't coz there's no more tears coming out...I don't know why...maybe i'm numb already...I'm trying hard to feel better... I'm not mad nor angry at them...I'm even thankful for what they did to me...Because of the things they inflicted on me they gave me the strength to awaken my true identity... i will let them all see who the real me is...my true self...not the one they knew of...this isn't a revenge or a curse...this is just a realization of what's been there in the realms of my entity...i am the past and present but the future is coming to life...

Within the Realms of Oblivion...

I don't know why i donf feel happy eventhough the person i'm waiting for texted me...am i really expecting for that message for real or something else? i really don't like this feeling of lost and sadness...Is this all part of God's plan? He's so brilliant. He made that person texted me today and He also made the other person clear things out with me...I feel so hurt about all of the things that has happend today...I can't focus on my work, i keep on thinking about those things, dumbfounded on things... i wish we could live in dreams where all of what we're wishing of come true but no matter how sweet those dreams are, we can't deny the fact that they're just plain dreams, that at the end of these dreams are loneliness for they are not true...dreams are just fascination of our wants and not what the real world is...

i don't know what to do right now...i dont know what to feel...i cant think of any decision...i am strangled by time and space...

The Torn Letter...

"I'm giving you a deadline tomorrow..if i don't receive any word from you tomorrow, a call or even a text message from you then it means i have to move on and go on with my life... I will not do the move this time hence just wait for your move and react according to it. I don't want to wait forever again. I don't want to put a hold in my life and let opportunities pass by just like what i always do in the past. I'm not being cruel and insensitive, just giving myself a break from martyrdom.

I trusted you but i guess thats not enough to keep the bond between us, we even promised before that we'll be faithful to each other, i guess you couldn't keep the promise. Promises are really meant to be broken... Come what may, i know everything happens for a reason...the uncertainties in life give meaning to our humanity...

I already let my grip off on you so that you can do what you want to do, so that you can decide freely, no holds barred to you...I dont regret you coming into my life... you are God's blessing to me and like what i always say, good or bad, God has something in it for me..."

More in Sorrow than in Anger...

Have you ever been in a situation wherein you have this feeling that you like this stranger although you haven't met this stranger personally and moreover you just came from a break up? Is it just a rebound thing or the saying: "someday someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else..". I know its too fast to feel love for someone else after a break up but liking someone is possible...

In my life, i've learned that a wound inflicted by love takes time to heal and eventhough it is healed already, there will always be this scar that's left behind that will always remind us of the wound...

Veniam Petimusque Damusque Vicissim...as time goes by our heart tends to grow more in sorrow than in anger...thats the life of love for me...God may give you a sign for that someone you asked for but there's no assurance that you will have a happy ending...God didn't gave you that person because He wanted to hurt you but He wanted you to learn something from that person... God is so magnificent and special coz you'll never thought of these twists in the first place...I didn't expected this when He gave me the one i was asking for, i thought it will be a happy life but to my surprise He made it happend to end that way... im in no position to question His blessings, i consider all of it a blessing coz if not for those blessings i will not be the person i am today... It has been a week or so since it happend, all those days i kept it within me...put up my guard so that no one can see my bleeding heart, but i came to realize that i can't heal it myself alone, i need to unveil it so that someone will be able to see it and help me heal it. Im not hypocrite to say that im not hurting inside anymore...it hurts...a lot...but like a river no matter how rocky the path is, there will always be a calm and serene sea waiting at the end... =_^-

Computer Jargons it is...haha

I found these three silly computer jargons on the internet:

1. KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid. Rule of thumb for software designers and network administrators - to minimize dispersion and error proneness, keep your designs small.

2. RTFM - Read The Fucking Manual. Common answer to basic and often repeated questions, that could be avoided in the first place just by looking at the manual.

3. STFW - Search The Fucking Web. Common answer to basic and often repeated questions, that could be avoided in the first place just by searching for an answer on the web.

Because i got nothing to do this morning, i just surfed the web and found those jargons. hehehe I never knew that there were such jargons like those for real hahahaha!! its too informal! hahaha!! i wish to hear those lines sometimes.

Ashes to ashes...Dust to dust... Dies Cinerum

"Open my eyes today, i knew there's something different...". I started my day with 'Hopelessly Addicted' of The Corrs. There are so many things thats been playing in my mind now enough for me to get destabilize and lost. i dont know what's wrong but i feel something that makes me so depress. I feel so strange today. My mind would ask me whats wrong but my heart cant convey the reason. Its so vague...too much in my head, complexity dwells in. Is it because im listening to mushy songs? I dont think other melody will be apt for my mood today, it will only make me dizzy. Do i need to wake up my virtual alter ego again?Do i need to be her again? Im tired of doing it. Im lost for thoughts. I just hope everything will turn out okay this afternoon.

"We are made up of dust and ashes". I went to mass and its ash wednesday, the imposition of ashes on the forehead as a sign of repentance. It also marks the start of the 40 days and 40 nights of Jesus' fasting. Hearing the mass somehow uplifted my unsated mind and soul...The priest's homily made me realize that humans are vulnerable to sins...to pain and sufferings but because of Jesus Christ there has been a cure for it. He sacrificed His life for our sins for us to have the chance to be in eternal happiness. The priest also said that we should ask God for forgiveness and surrender all of ourself including the sorrows and grievances. When all seems to have no cure or endless, just talk to Him and He will answer you back.

So...."Pasaway"

Another day of sneaking out of the office...hehehehe...me and my two officemates/schoolmates, hurriedly finished our lunch so that we can sneak out while everybody is busy eating...hehehe...we rode a bus back to ayala anf from there we walked our way to salcedo...yeah i know its far hehehe but we didnt get tired while walking coz there were many people walking on the snake walk...After getting out ATM cards we decided to get a cab coz its already past 2pm hehehehe...and planned an aliby in case we'll get caught hehehe...and just like before, a one-by-one strategy was enforced hehehe...i felt sleepy still today but something was assigned to me today...i just hope its not that hard coz if so i'll have trouble doing it...but surely whatever it is,i'll make my way out of it, may not be smoothly but it will be surely...just keeping a positive outlook in life! ^_^

Freakin' Spaghetti on a Sunday Afternoon...

I'm so sleepy...my head keeps nodding, good thing i ate this mentol candy and i sneezed, somehow it helped me ease the boredom and sleepiness. I got nothing to do anymore coz i'm already done with my modules. I'm just waiting for it to be tested so that I can patch up the bugs in it. I just hope there are only few bugs coz its hard to trace a bug especially in a complicated system like this. Yesterday it was funny coz out of nowhere my friends decided to eat spaghetti and so we chipped in to buy the stuffs needed. Funny coz the amount was of unequal sharing hahaha...i couldn't do anything when they grabbed mywallet in the bed and took money from it. hahaha! And then hours later, when i woke up they were already done cooking and to my surprise the color of the spaghetti was so pale, knowing that they put in all of the noodles in. And yeah the taste...it lacks the basics of a spaghetti...we even called it 'pansit' because the spaghetti turned out to be salty overpowering the sour taste of the tomato sauce or is there any tomato sauce in it? hahahaha!!! In spite of the odd taste, like what they say, 'walang hindi masarap sa taong gutom', we ate half of the spaghetti hahaha! Events like this even though its just small, are the sweetest memories that can be treasured and reminisce in the future. ^_^v

Coup D' Etat!!!

Today there was a coup attempt according to the news, we still have work though but just a moment ago we were given the go signal to go home if we want to coz earlier this lunch time we were asking if the company will postponed the work hehehe...now that its postponed no ones doing the move...hehehe i really really wanted to go home now coz im going home to olongapo hehehe...but i dont want to be the first one to stand up and leave coz its embarrassing in the sense that im just new here in the company...hehehe... i just wish everything is fine outside the fact that we're in global city, fort bonifacio...hehehe... oh man i just wish i can sneak out without their knowing that i left hehehehe...

It's Just Work!

I didnt go to the office this morning, half day at work only. I went to meet my groupmates in the design subject. I came here in the office at around 1:30pm, good thing i arrived here the time before they went to equitable bank to apply for an ATM for payroll purposes. At least i did not pay 50 on my own again for a ride in a van to get there unlike what happend to me when i applied for SSS in Makati. Hay...honestly there are lotsa people here in the office whom i dont think that friendly or what...sheezzz...well can't do anything about it, like what they say not all people in your company will become your friend...you just have to play your part and not take them too personally...ITS ONLY WORK!!!

Music Therapy!

Actually i wasn't that much stressed today here at work coz i already have a sound card installed in my pc and the music that i played, helped me out relax a bit. And aside from the fact that i only got one module left...i just wish the previous modules that i did were all correct or else im doomed hahaha! well i already came up with a solution to the bug that made me crazy yesterday and i just wish what i did was correct hahaha! There are still bugs in that module but i think *fingers crossed* i can handle it.... hahaha! sheezzz i ran out of load.. kainis!! anyway its done for me here...ja! ^_^v

1,000,000 volts, Frying My Brain

My my my...i didn't think that my last module is this hard....my head is cracking, its really bleeding in pain...i feel so freaking crazy... The previous modules that i did was not like this one...my head is really hurting...i dont think i can think of any code for it today so might just call it a day for work!!! oh man...its so bloody difficult! @_@;; Aside from the fact that my brain is tortured, my eyes as well are soring waahhh!!! this is so stressful!!! good thing im ahead of the scheduled module...I just pray that i can think of a solution for it these coming days... =_=; Well enough of the work today...i need to stop before my brain bursts out coz i can feel its nearing...

Merrily Wasted! ^_*''

I feel so stressed out and so dirty coz after work, i meet up my classmate at metropoint mall. Our pathetic, nuissance and stupid leader wanted us to go pick up our design project. So we had this long journey on our way to the location of our design project, the way their was creepy coz its already night, good thing there was this cute person in the jeep that we rode onto...ang charisma was superb and nagpapacute pa sya....hehehe grabe i cant explain how kilig i was last night!!! hahaha!!! ang pa-cute nya talaga...how can i forget yung patagong tingin nya saken...ung pagside ng eyeballs nya para lang ndi halata hahahaha! too bad we had to get off the jeep na...and so it was bye bye to 'cute' hehehe. When we got off the jeep, I was so nervous while walking our way to the house coz nakakatakot ung place parang ndi ka makakalabas ng ndi nagri-gripuhan sa waist! hahaha! Thank goodness we came out safe and sound and having that 'kilig' factor hehehehe!!!! And oh i almost forgot, on my way home, there was this person beside me inside the bus headed to ayala. I think cute naman sya although i wasnt able to see the face but maputi sya and nice skin. Nagpapapansin din cya, kasi ubo sya ng ubo and ndi mapalagay dun sa seat nya and tumitingin din sya ng patakas hehehe...and damn mabango sya, amoy baby sya hahahaha!!! yeah i was able to smell 'sya' coz ang lapit nya sakin talaga especially when the bus are turning on the curves...grabe super close hahaha!!! hay what a day it was...nakakapagod pero ok naman hehehe worth the view and the experience!! til then! ^_^v

Shopping...hihihihi

Today i went shopping hehehe! I bought some clothes for work, polo and long sleeves and also i bought this nice leather belt, its nice because its reversible. The buckle can be twisted so that you can choose either a brown or black leather to use. It's really nice coz the quality of the leather is good. It's a soft leather so the markings that are made to it due to pressure are gone easily... I also found this nice formal pants but i didn't buy it yet coz i have to save some of my salary as well..On my next salary, i'm going to buy the pants and some polo/long sleeves again. I need to invest on clothes coz of work.

Money money money...@_@

Today is the first day of the second pay period of the month hehehehe....thinking about salary again the fact that we had just encashed our salary yesterday hahahaha!! I'm glad that my colleagues whom i referred to were hired by our company, this is their first day at work. They are lucky as well coz there's already a project given to them. Im sure they can do the job no matter how hard it is for them. With regards to work im still on track, i finish my modules on their deadlines, good thing it wasn't that hard yet. hehehe...

hmmm...im thinking of how will i spend my first salary hehehehe...coz until now i haven't spent it hehehe....im planning to buy some stuffs for myself this weekend...but easy now okay? i got to spend my money wisely...hehehe its time to learn how to budget! hahaha!!

Sneaky Newbies

We're so 'pasaway' , me and my two officemates. The three of us are newly hired in our company, and with that new employees should give a damn of good impression to the company coz they're just neophytes but exclude us from that notion hahaha. Yesterday, our salary was given to us in a form of a check. And tradition here in the company is that the the new employee will treat the company on his first salary, since we're new, we need to treat them....hahaha but because our salary is in the form of a check, we couldn't treat them at the moment...but today, without their knowledge after we timed in in the office the three of us sneak out and went to the bank in makati to encash our salary...we didn't even say anything to them where we're going...and giving them notice to our whereabouts is a must during office hours...yet still we sneaked out hahahaha! We were gone for more than an hour. hahahaha! Inside the cab on our way back to the office we planned for an acting scene if ever we'll be interrogated for 'missing in action' hahaha!!. I told them that we should get in one by one so that we will not give that much of attention to them and if ever asked to where we went, each of us already had a line to deliver and to enact...hahahaha! mine was, i went down to eat coz i dont feel good, i feel dizzy and decided to stayed there for a while...hahaha! my other officemate would tell that he had breakfast with his colleagues... and lastly my other officemate's plea, the excuse im pretty sure everyone would least think of to tell, he would tell that, "Ma'am/Sir 'nata**e' po kasi ako, may rebolusyon sa tyan ko kaya po umuwi muna ako..." HAHAHAHAHA!!! We're so damn freaky!!! hahaha!!! Well, at least we're thankful that we didn't had to do those cut-scenes hahaha! Thank goodness for they didn't looked for us when we're out, they didn't notice us...hehehe...i gotta get off now...better finish the module, i got a deadline today...ja! ^_^v

Outlandish Heart's Day

Feb 14, valentine's day...this is my first valentine's day and my first occasion here in office. It feels strange though even if i have someone right now, i still feel so lonely especially right now. I dont know whats with me but my heart is really crushing my consciousness. I can't think nor have the logic that i need to finish my work today. I'm on a tight schedule but I can't make myself focus on it. I am indeed again floating in emptiness where no emotions are present, no feelings, no love, nothing... i need to stay awake just to make myself conscious... i have to be awake...got to fight this for this place, this abyss will swallow me whole. I need to see the light in me...there was this videogame that unfold that what lies beyond the door of kingdom hearts is light and not darkness... I need to open my heart, my heart is the key in letting the light in me out to help me find my way and awaken my slumbering decresent innerself...